Two Years

Welp, two years ago today this crazy road began.

I say began, but I had already been on that road for 20 some years at that point. It just got significantly harder and forced me to realize I was on a road those around me were not.
-These last 6 years have been rough
-These last 2 years have been deadly
-I’m still unsure how I’ve made it through these last 7 months.

There have been many hits… and quite honestly I’m just tired at this point…

I’ve dealt with:
-Tests that backfired and caused more damage;
-Coping methods that are 10 minutes of extreme pain for almost a week of survivability;
-Increased headaches and brain fogs as most of my coping methods have been taken out of my diet;
-Short sighted rumors spread and the backlash that came from them;
-Pets dying,
-Relatives dying,
-The lifestyle I knew being torn apart.
-Constant pain no matter what I do
A world without a safe zone… a place to relax or think through everything that has happened. It’s honestly been so long since I’ve known what it feels like to…. feel… excitement? Happiness? Relief? Worry, anxiety, exhaustion, and regret have been my closest friends.
After two years of clawing at walls in an attempt to even slow the descent, I stand here fairly battered and bruised. You want the future to come, but there are days you wonder what’s even left to survive?

But then let’s look at what was gained in this time.

Because I may have lost a lot, and feel wiped out…. but the thing about hardships is that it builds our muscles and causes us to grow.
Besides, I never write these things just so I can whine about my life… but for the sake of all those who have told me they can relate.
I’m open and honest about how much it hurts and how weak I am, because there is no shame in admitting you’re weak. You may as well have shame for having two ears or a nose! It kind of comes with who we are.

But there has been growth as well throughout the hardships. Good news amidst the sorrows.

It was finally proven that I didn’t have liver cancer. That is a diagnosis I was more than thankful for.
God not only let me (the kid who was told by counselors he wouldn’t make it past grade 7 for context) graduate with a bachelor’s degree but even managed to gain Summa Cum Laude for getting a 4.0 GPA in every class!
I have had to become a lot more conscientious about things… My exercise, my diet, my finances… Sure this is also a bother. I’d much rather be eating triple patty burgers with pop, sit back, and go to Europe once a year like those around me…. but these aren’t bad skills to learn… and they mean I’ll be able to do more with less when the time comes again.
I lapped the Bible. Read through it once, and now am halfway through on lap two. There’s a lot of things I’ve managed to pick up on through reading it this way as well. I definitely recommend doing it cover to cover at least once in your life.
People are still as loud and obnoxious as ever… and I’d be lying if I didn’t say there are still twinges of bitterness as to those who lied to others about why I lost my last job, why I live at home, the validity of my condition, or have even told my parents to throw me out of the house for my own good and theirs… But at the same time… the world has gotten a lot larger around them as the world they live in has gotten so much smaller.
So much of our world just runs on rails of what is the right way to live our lives. What is expected of us. So many people fall through the cracks of this illusion. There are many people out there who are introverted, highly sensitive, chronic illness, shy, unemployed, in debt, or more… and in spite of what those on rails say; these people are NOT weak all the time! Actually, often times I’d say they have far more strength than those who maintain their illusion of the “Majority”
Speaking of the world not being on rails… I’ve learned how to find the un-walked path a lot better.
You can get into pretty much any industry easily for a lot of effort and $5000.
Want to publish a book? The publisher wants $5000 for professional marketing and editing. Want to get into Voice Over? Well unless you have a $500 demo that only comes after $4000 worth of lessons to go on your $40 website…. no one will ever dream of looking at you! Want to learn a language? Sure! Just spend $5000 on lessons! Streaming? Set up. Sales? Products. Accounting? Certification. Programming? Computer Degree. The list goes on, and each industry will tell you it is the ONLY way in!
Listen… There is NOT only one way forward because the people who founded these paths didn’t have these luxuries to begin them. If you can afford them, take them. It’s much easier to stay on the main road. But don’t let yourself feel trapped because every industry wants $5k just to reach the starting line!
I’ve also learned to do the best I can with what I have. Because I don’t have much. About 10 months ago, I was driving to Toronto with my laptop in my car and it struck me “If I got into an accident right now I’d lose pretty much 100% of the marketable assets I have left!” But do what you can with what you have! Don’t worry about the results! Don’t worry about the end goal! Don’t freeze in place because of how much lies before you! Focus on taking one more step right now! Then do a step after that! A step after that! And a step after that! Move at your own pace! Don’t let others berate you for it!
I’ve learned the importance of rest. There are days I wish I was even half as lazy as people assume I am. Each day, I do physio exercises, I make meals, I apply for jobs, I study language, business, and computer sciences, I read my Bible, I pray, I clean, I try to keep in contact with people from over 12 different countries…. I’ve learned there are days I need to just rest…. and I am not a failure for doing so!
I am not sure who made up the belief that you are ineffective if you take breaks. It was very short sighted and dumb. People are an investment. Not an asset. Give them rest and they will come back more awake, refreshed, and more effective towards you!
A large eye opener for me was when I started taking the nerve blocks and went from a 6-7 to a 4-5 on the normal pain scale…. I saw how much energy I had given back to me… I realized just how lazy those people who said I wasn’t working hard were if they were sitting at a 1-2 and had THAT much energy! I also realized how much I really needed to pace myself and take rest.
One of the big ones I learned was to ask for help. From doctors, from friends, from others. I have never wanted to be a burden to others. I was put into a place where I was forced to be. I was forced to realize it was okay, and to do it more often. We can’t make it through this life on our own. Stop trying!
My relationship with my parents hit a major improvement through these last two years. I think the same way that all kids; usually in their mid teens, though if they’re more responsible usually in their early-mid twenties; hit a point where they realize their parents’ AREN’T right on everything, and they have to decide how much they’ll cling to what they were taught, and how much they’ll decide to do differently that we call “rebellious phase.” I think every parent falls into the trap of believing “I know my kids better than anyone! Even better than they know themselves!” which of course means they stop looking for how you’ve grown and changed and start missing things. These last two years have forced communication to open up again… and it has been incredibly healing.

So here we stand as year three of this all starts…

my mountains seem no smaller, but the world seems a lot bigger. Honestly I don’t know what lies ahead, and if it weren’t for God I’d really see no point in even trying. (Yeesh! I was burnt out November of 2017!) But I remind myself… even though I don’t want to be paying off the debts of these last 2 years until I’m 40. Even though I don’t want to be alone nor living at home. Even though I don’t want to be a burden to my parents who have done so much to help me through all this. I know that if God wants me to stay here then there is nothing I can do to stop it and He will provide through it. I also know that He has taken people from prisoners to second in command of a country over night throughout the Bible. If God wants to… no mountain is too high for Him to topple.
I do however pray that this third year… God just does something ridiculous. Partially for the selfish reason that I am wiped out… emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically exhausted… I don’t have anything more to give unless He gives it.
At the same time though, I want Him to do something ridiculously from Him because I think this world, ESPECIALLY in the church… needs a reminder. We DON’T serve a dead God! It is NOT by OUR works but by what HE does THROUGH us!
“You may say to yourself ‘My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.’ but remember the Lord your God for it is He who gives you the ability to produce wealth!” – Deuteronomy 8:17-18
In the end, it is not my place to command God. If it were, He wouldn’t be God! I would be! But I humbly concede that everyone’s success; from the greatest saint to the lowest tyrant; only has success because He has allowed it. And I cling to hope that He is merciful and does all things for our good.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening to this broken man’s ramble. I pray that it was encouraging for you, and that you find hope in it. Remember you are not alone!

When Life Begins

Ever think of all the wasted points of your life?

Those moments when you felt like you were stuck in the hallway waiting for a door to open? When you’re waiting for the next step but you just don’t have the resources to make it work? When everyone else seems to be moving forward with marriages, families, houses and careers, but you feel like you’re left standing at the starting line? Have you ever looked back at foolish things you’ve done in the past, or the opportunities you never had and think “Man I wasted so much time”?
But the thing is, there are no hallways in life. There are no wasted opportunities. Some things may seem less efficient than others, but the only way for an experience to be wasted is to consider it as such. To throw away the lessons you learned being ashamed of them.
Don’t let the “path” everyone longs to walk down fool you. You are not waiting for life to begin. You’re living now! Whether or not you have resources, opportunities, direction, or anything else you are alive. You are experiencing new things. Those experiences you will take with you for the rest of your life. How you handle them will determine if you treat those you meet with empathy or bitterness. Each day is a battle and you are in the middle of the war.
So live! Look for the opportunities in every day! Don’t let the short sightedness of those around you limit you! You are alive! You are learning! Give each day your best and never give up! Find the path no one has seen and keep moving forward one step at a time!

Keep on fighting!

Theoretical Laws of Reality

1. An Existence Cannot Fully Comprehend or Understand an Existence Equal or Greater Than Themselves Due to Their Limited Perspective:

Can the brain understand how it works? Can we fully understand the limits of time while stuck within its boundaries? Even these laws are only theoretical. What can be proven 100% when we ourselves lack omnipotence to see 100%?

2. For Every Existence There Must Be an Absence:

Can you have light without darkness? Sound without silence? Good without evil? Love without hate? For something to “exist” it must be possible for there to be a state of it NOT existing.
Note: This “absence” is not an existence within itself. You can’t “Fill a room with silence”, “Turn on the darkness” or “Remove evil from the world.” You can only fill the world with the existence in order to chase out the absence.

3. For a Plane to Exist, There Must be an “Outside”:

Related to #2, but somewhat different. For a place to exist, to have shape and form…. there must theoretically be an “outside” of this place for that form to sit in. Even if it is beyond our ability to see or travel to, there must be a theoretical boundary for that shape to be sitting in, whether within physical planes or a new one.
If physical space/time has a form of waves, there must be some form or container that these waves exist in. Theoretically this also means (though not necessarily within the confines of physical space) it must also have a beginning and an end.

4. There Must be Absolutes:

For even to say “There is no absolutes” is within itself an absolute. We may not be able to fully comprehend an absolute within our limited perspective (which is why all things, not just religion, involve some level of faith), however; whether we can perceive it or not, an absolute still exists.

5. Sentience is the Ability to Have Instructions or Instinctual Nature, Yet Question That Nature:

As living beings we have instincts. As humans we have laws. Yet as sentient beings we also have the ability to act differently than we are told or what our nature directs. To desire/feel driven to one thing, yet still decide we would rather take the more responsible option is what makes us human. If it were only our instincts would we be able to have restraint from the things we desire? If it were only preset instructions, would we be able to consider or do wrong? We are not on rails, we have free choice! It is both our greatest gift and most damaging responsibility.

6. Sentience Without Choice is a Tortured Existence:

To be able to question one’s actions but not change anything is a level of control and confinement from which majority of our modern horror novels are written from. Sentient beings have free will. Even if our choices are influenced or guided by things we do not realize. Even if there are choices which are the optimal path and dangerous path, we NEED the ability to choose. Those who have that ability taken from them do not end well.

7. Choices Without Consequences are Meaningless:

In order to have choice, you must have consequences for that choice. What if no matter what you did, the results were still the same? What if nothing you did in life would have any change at all. If your life was just on rails and you were riding to the end. There is no point to a life like that! You do not want a life like that!
Consequently, the more disparity between consequences within the choice, the more meaningful the choice is.

8. Without Sentience and Free Will You Cannot Experience Love:

Love is, arguably; one of the most powerful things humans have, yet without sentience it is not possible.
If you wrote a program to tell you “I love you.”; If you made a robot to do a task for you; would it have the same impact as someone doing these things for you by free will and choice?
Even someone forced to say “I love you.” will not have the same impact as someone choosing to say it to you. It is the decision that you are worth doing something for and giving to that makes love impactful. Without that free will and sentience, no amount of worship or praise would mean anything.

9. Instincts Often Take the Path of (seemingly) Least Resistance:

Yet free will can override this. Another general rule; a bit too opinionated to end up in laws of reality; is The Rule of 70%-28%-2% which essentially states that of any group; be it a church, business, industry, community, or more… roughly 70% of members will simply go with the flow… doing what appears to be the path of least resistance. Roughly 28% of the members will put in effort and do what they were told was wise. And roughly 2% will passionately chase after it, looking beyond what they were told and looking to not only do what they believe is the right method, but innovate and improve the community.
If we rely on instincts (what we feel needs to be done, vs thinking things through) we will often find ourselves giving in to things such as group-think, laziness, and will be easy to control.
In contrast, by relying more on our sentience to think through our actions, our behaviours…. to truly analyze the world around us, the effects of our actions, and not just what we have read or been told to be the case, we can become harder to manipulate and appear wiser to others.
You have senses a brain and a heart! Use them!

10. Each Plane of Existence Influences and Is Effected by Those Beneath and Above it, but Can Neither Fully Fit Within Those Below Nor Fully Comprehend Those Above:

Information, imagination, physical space, the soul, time, and so on. Each plane/dimension/tier/choose your poison is affected by the others, but can neither fully fit within those beneath, nor comprehend those above. Can a 2D world fully comprehend a cube? They may see a square from their perspective and know it exists, but not be able to understand the vertical axis involved, even if it could be theorized from. In the same way, there are effects of things we witness, yet are beyond our ability to fully see or comprehend within our limitations.
Perspective is important! Be aware of the limitations of yours lest you be torn down by them!

Efforts and Results

Success most often comes from hard work, but hard work does not often end up in success.

We so tie the results to our efforts and as such our pride and self worth as well, forgetting this simple truth.
It is possible to do everything right and still fail. It is possible to do everything wrong and still succeed. We like to tell ourselves “Well the consequences of their actions are still coming.” and they may very well be… but there are those I know of who have done everything wrong. Who have walked over others, been frivolous with their resources, flippant with their relationships; and had lived long and happy lives, completely oblivious to the pain and suffering those around them had dealt with due to the consequences of their actions.

People are inconsistent. To the one who demands wine, we give them cake as well. To the one who begs for a drop of water, we cast them out for being entitled and lazy.

This world is unfair…. but if it wasn’t we probably all would be dead by now, so do not complain about that too much. But realize it. Realize it. Accept it. Choose your paths carefully aware of it.

To the one who is wise, a more difficult path often lays before them.

Naivety is a blessing in a lot of ways. The world is far kinder to the naive. Much like the old Loony Toons show where the dog who would nearly kill himself attempting to keep the young oblivious kitten safe.
So don’t look at your life; what you’ve accomplished and what you’ve failed at, and deem whether you really did your best or not through it. I have spent my life giving 110% only to be lapped by those who don’t try, and to be yelled at by those giving 70-80% to “kick it up a gear”
Your efforts do not guarantee results. Your results do not indicate your efforts. Don’t allow those who walked through a broad doorway criticize you for still struggling to get through the 18th story window! At the same time; if you struggled to get in, don’t forget all the times you failed and give foolish advice like “You just have to try harder.” Learn the lessons life taught you!
Because at the end of the day, you can’t guarantee the results of your actions. The results were never yours to decide. You can however guarantee that you learn from your actions. Both success and failure have lessons to learn. Both work and free time have wisdom to teach us. The only thing that deems as “a waste of time” is what we deem in our heads to be. Because by doing so we throw away all the lessons they could teach us.
Be observant. Learn constantly. Strive to improve! Whether you succeed or fail, fight on with all your heart! Through these struggles you will grow. As you grow these struggles will seem less significant. As these struggles seem less significant, others will see the strength you have.


Give life your best, and keep fighting forward!

2018 Retrospective

And so that’s it. 2018 is over.

Not gonna lie, it was a pretty rough year for me…
-Found out my injuries were permanent
-Spent a year bouncing between tests for Liver Cancer and Lyme Disease (which I don’t have thankfully)
-Messed up my vocal chords after a reaction to MRI Dye
-Lost a good portion of my diet
-Had many breakdowns from pain
-Headaches got worse
-Dealt with rumors and criticisms
-Almost had my car fall apart
-Lost my dog
-Lost my Grandmother
-Lost some friends
-Lost some extended family
I had a lot of things I wanted to accomplish in 2018…. and managed to accomplish almost none of them…
For every door that was open a crack, I raced towards it to find another brick wall behind it…
For every bit of security, I got reminded how temporary everything is…
For every dream I pursued, I got something outside my control thrown at me to block me at the last second…
They often talk about being stuck in the hallways of life… What they don’t tell you is that the building you’re in is on fire!
I came to question a lot about life and about myself…
Why won’t the doors so many others go through ever open for me?
Am I defective?
What is the point of having survived all that I have if this is the result?
Can there even be a future anymore?
What even is of value?
What even is reality?
What is the world no one else seems to see?
It was a had year for me…. but it was a hard year for a lot of people it seems. This year has held so much hate, panic, suffering and loss. Personally I find it ridiculous just how many people have had two deaths this year in their families relatively close together.
I’ve seen parents, siblings, and children weep. I’ve seen leaders crumble. I’ve seen security rot. I’ve seen strength get chipped away.
It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed… inferior… or unready when you see just how much is falling apart around you… or how much I didn’t accomplish….
But I’m still here….
It’s 2019 and I’m still here… And I think that is something worth celebrating….
I may not be as strong as I feel I need to be, but I’m stronger than I was… and I will be stronger still than what I am right now… and that I find encouraging….
I may not have accomplished all I wanted, but I did accomplish some things, and that is worth being proud of.
-I’ve learned to endure through the hard times
-I’ve learned to empathize with those the world casts away as outliers
-I’ve learned patience through the misinformed, the well meaning, and the advantageous
-I’ve learned perseverance through the failures
I’ve learned that chasing after the short term leaves you with nothing, while patiently preparing for the long term exponentially reaps rewards.
I’ve learned growth, maturity, value, and power that go beyond the treasures I originally chased.
Most importantly; I’ve learned the importance of letting go of what was so you can pursue what could be.
As we approach 2019, I know there are many who are exhausted. Many who are worn out. Many who wonder if they can even do this for another 365 days.
It’s 2019! You survived 2018 and are stronger than you were. You can make it for another! Let’s do it together!
I’ll admit, 2019 is somewhere between exciting and terrifying for me.
I have a month and a half left until I have my bachelors degree. Which will unfortunately be 3 days after I turn too old to apply for the JET program which was the original reason I went for it. Not that that matters, because even if I was the right age, with my headaches worsening, and body in the shape it is, I can’t afford to lose Canada’s free (and in English) healthcare right now. My plans, backup plans, and backup of backup plans have all fallen through due to last minute changes of regulations or timing. I still have 2-3 health appointments coming up that are still pretty nerve wracking for me… and there are a lot of unknowns ahead…
But I’ll keep marching forward…. because at the end, that’s all we can do isn’t it?
If I can do it, I’ll do it. If I can’t, I won’t. At the end of the day that is all we are ever capable of. So why worry? Has anyone ever changed their circumstance by worrying? Has anyone ever saved themselves by worrying? Worrying is immaturity disguised as maturity. It is draining your motivation and energy that could be much better used dealing with what you can do.
At the end of the day, God never told us to bring results, He told us to go… so that HE could bring results through us.
So, to quote the Bible a bit;
the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us[a] from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” Daniel 3:17-18
So fight on through this coming year! Fight on and refuse to give in to all the voices telling you to give up. Though the world may seem dark, remember; The darker it gets, the more impactful even the smallest spark of life may seem.
Fight on! Even if you cannot find the good in this world worth saving, then BE the good in this world worth saving!
Fight on! Because you made it this far, and that is something worth celebrating!

Happy New Years!

Futility of Faults

Don’t waste your time on blame and fault.

In this life:
-There will be those who hurt you
-There will be those who accuse you of the wrong things
-There will be those who contradict themselves obviously
-There will be times you feel offended

And you most likely will do all these to the others as well.

Don’t get me wrong. There is most definitely a “Right” and a “Wrong” in this world; and there is benefit to looking over past actions for ways to improve in the future… but tell me; Is anyone wrong for the sake of being wrong?
We have this nasty habit of judging people’s and our own intentions by our actions. That’s not the way it works.
People are logically illogical. No matter how ludicrous their actions may seem. No matter how many people they blindly walked over to get to where they are. No matter how much they say “A=B and that’s why B will never = A!” the truth is, their actions are based on a logical assessment of what they accomplish vs what it costs. They may be sincerely wrong, but they are still sincere….
This is why so many arguments turn to flame wars in debates. We approach those we don’t agree with, not as people who have logical reasons for the choices they make clouded by their limited perspective we all share as human beings… but instead as “THOSE MONSTERS WHO HAVE PERSONALLY MADE IT THEIR LIFE’S PURPOSE TO DESTROY ME AND EVERYONE LIKE ME!” We like this philosophy. It makes us feel just, and powerful. It makes us feel like we have the right to attack in any way we so desire, after all these people are “evil”! …. this viewpoint is the most worthless waste of time we can pursue.
We are all people! We have differing views. We have differing backgrounds. We have differing talents and abilities. But we are all still people in the end. Do you react with a “Oh wow! I have seen the error of my ways! I shall think on this as I follow your advice.” when you are accused of being a demon, monster, or any other slur we toss so lightly at those we disagree with?? No! It makes us want to fight! To hold on tighter to our cause just to spite those rude people who have offended us!

So then why do we assume we will accomplish anything by throwing these slurs at others??

Again I will repeat this so as to not create any confusion:
-I am NOT saying that everyone is right and it doesn’t really matter. There is most DEFINITELY a true right and a true wrong in this world!
-I am NOT saying just let people do as they will, it doesn’t matter if they hurt others. No! There are consequences to our actions, and choosing poorly will hurt others.

But why do we assume intent from action? Why do we consider worth of the person via the successes and failures we recognize?

We aren’t people on a high peak looking down at the peons in the garbage pit. We’re all lost souls, treading water. Just because one may be clinging onto the lifeboat, doesn’t mean that they are superior to everyone else.
You can see faults in those around you that you yourself have dealt with. Good for you. Help them. Encourage them. Guide them, but also realize the choice is ultimately theirs. As frustrating as it can be, don’t look down on them if they don’t decide to follow you. Realize the immense amount of shortcomings you must have that YOU can’t or won’t see and deal with.

So then how can we know who’s valuable and who isn’t? Who’s mature and who’s immature? Who’s strong and who’s weak?

….News Flash…. We are all made in God’s image and loved by Him enough for Him to send His son to die for our sins…. I mean… there is absolutely nothing we could do to earn this worth. That’s why it’s called grace. Because it was given. What do you mean one may have earned more value than the other??? None of us have “earned” anything! We are all lost sinners but for grace. And because of grace we are all now precious and irreplaceable. Whether we choose to accept the gift or not doesn’t affect our value, only our fate.
Who’s mature? Is anyone mature? When I was a 5 year old they told me I was still young. When I was 10 they told me I was still young. When I was 20 again… I was still young… I have witnessed people in their 60’s being told “You are still young.” No matter how old you get. No matter how much you learn. You are still immature. There are still things for you to learn. You are human. You have blind spots. That will not change. If someone points out that you have areas you are weak in, that is not a bash to your value. It is just a fact of life. We all have areas we are weak in. Many times we think others have areas they’re weak in when really it is our own weakness blinding us. Do not judge others based on the maturity you can see.
Who is strong and who is weak? How can you determine strength? We often determine strength based on what we view ourselves being able to handle. This is a bad way to measure strength. Can a pencil consider a hammer to be strong because it can hammer in nails without breaking? Can a hammer consider a pencil to be strong because it can sacrifice itself to write papers that may topple nations or inspire generations? How can you compare strength by comparing the actions of things meant for different scenarios? It is not strength not to struggle. It is strength to push forward even when it is tough. It is not strength not to fail. It is strength to get back up again after failure. Strength is not something we are born with, it is something we choose to do. We are not strong or weak people. We choose in each moment if we will stand strong or give in to our weakness. And through each moment the challenge is brought to you, the choice is never any easier.
So people make choices based on what they logically believe is the most constructive to them. Not specifically to attack you.
So our worth is not based on our actions or existence or seeming lack of weaknesses.
So fighting against those we disagree with is unproductive because they are not illogical mindless demons bent on destroying everything we care about in spite of what activist articles may label them all
But what if they DO hurt us! What then??? What can we do to protect ourselves?? How can we stay safe?!?!
Do you believe in God?
(If no, then I’m sorry… for many reasons, but mostly because there is only so far I can encourage through a logical argument without going straight to the core of all logic itself)
If you do believe in God, do you believe He truly cares for us like He said He does? That He is as all powerful as He says He is? That He is all that He says He is?
No… I’m not going to say “then He will protect you from the evil ones.” because that’s not the point. And let’s admit it, He won’t stop all the hits from coming. How much have Christians suffered in the past? We’ve been burnt on stakes for entertainment, fed to wild animals, executed in every manner of the way, manipulated by those who wanted power and wealth, been turned into the scape goats for all the worlds’ problems often caused by actions we warned them against taking in the first place….

In Life You Will Get Hurt!

But here’s the thing… God is still in control…
God blinds the eyes of who He wishes, opens the eyes of who He wishes, hardens the hearts of who He wishes, lets rise into power who He wishes, tears down from power who He wishes. Whether the people in question follow Him or not, He can still use it to His plan.
If you truly believe God is all He says He is, then realize, when someone comes up you’d rather not deal with. God let that person appear. And God would only do that to help you grow. Perhaps to reveal sin and weakness in your own life, perhaps to help you build endurance, perhaps to give you an example of how you should never act when you are in the place of your offender.
Realize these are not trials… but opportunities. Opportunities to grow. Opportunities to learn. Is God punishing you for not being perfect? He never thought you were. Are you letting God down by not being strong enough? You were never holding Him up.



Have faith and know. He is in control.

50 More General Observations

Random Observations From Life:

1. People (much like anything in physics) will most often take the path of least resistance, whether mentally, physically, or spiritually.
2. All living creatures have instincts, (innate propensity to take certain actions/feel certain things) the ability to go against said instincts is one of the foundational factors in sentience.
3. An item that saves the lives of millions or adds 20+ years to your life will probably never have the funding or acceptance as a device that shaves 30 seconds off a repetitive task.
4. Failure is not an end. It is a state of being. The sooner you become accepting of failure, the farther you go.
5. Success has negatives. It risks us becoming stagnant, no longer desiring to push our limits.
6. The fact that people believe “If it was possible, it would have already been done” is possibly the greatest reason it may still be possible.
7. There are few things more powerful than the desire and appreciation for taking “One More Step.”
8. You don’t need to be the best to be successful. You just need to be better than those you sell to have access to.
9. There are no rules in life. There are choices and consequences, (one of which being the consequences for the choice of not following the rules set in place by others).
10. Punishments are set in place to encourage you to follow the rules and are only as valuable as the respect/fear for the governing body outweighs the desire of the person making the actions. Consequences are unavoidable results of choices. It doesn’t matter if consequences seem unjust, they’re just consequences!
11. If you study for 3 months and only get 5/100 questions right on the test…. those are still 5 answers you would never have known if you hadn’t tried.
12. The only way to “Waste time” is to toss aside the lessons you learned through the process by calling that season “a waste of time”
13. People gain success by bringing something unique to the world and persevering and readjusting until it worked. People CHASE success by trying to copy everything successful people did and expecting immediate results… People rarely realize the irony of this.
14. There is literally no purpose to worrying, yet it feels like we are horrible irresponsible people if we don’t. But what has worry gotten you? Has it made you more efficient? Made problems go away? All it accomplishes is wasting your energy and focus giving you more unfinished projects to worry about in the future.
15. Your life never ends till your dead…. You may fail at your job, lose your lover, lose your job, have your parents hate you, have the world spread bad rumors about you, end up on the street, get an incurable disease, the works…. but until you’re dead your life is not over.
16. Life is not a series of levels/chapters you win or lose… it’s more like skydiving… and dodging rocks as you fall…
17. There is no such thing as a “professional” place. Even the largest companies, once you’re inside them you realize they’re a bunch of bumbling people who have no idea what they’re doing and are pushing things out barely finished.
18. See where you are.. not as an end result or as a limit to where you could possibly end up, but as an accurate representation of what you can currently do and what you are currently limited to.
19. Know where you want to go. Not as what you are going to do right now, but as a trajectory you can aim towards.
20. Know what you live for. Ask yourself “If I could be remembered for one thing in life, what would it be?” It will be vague and not very practical, but that will define what most the choices you make will revolve around.
21. There is no such thing as evil. Evil is simply the absence of good much like darkness is the absence of light or silence is the absence of sound.
22. No one does evil for the sake of doing evil. There is always a logical (even if wrong) justification for every action someone takes.
23. Identifying the logical justification allows one to more tactfully handle the emotional, and often harmful response from people
24. You can never save anyone by fighting. You may be able to protect someone temporarily, but hate only begets more hate. The harder you push one opposing force, the harder that opposing force will push back.
25. 90% of being good in an emergency is learning not to panic/worry/react either from immediate pressures or long term pressures
26. A powerful lie does not counter the truth, but warps it. It is far more effective to redirect than to fight against the flow.
27. Nothing in life can be proven absolutely. (no not even that statement) Our concept of “proof” is limited by our small perspective.
28. The foundation of wisdom is realizing and accepting you don’t know
29. The concept that life is on rails, (go to school, get a job, get raises, get married, have kids, retire, die) is an illusion that is starting to fail along with society. Life is not on rails, nor is there a train that will safely take you to your destination. Life is wandering the wilderness on a trajectory towards your goal. There are innumerable ways to get there.
30. The more you accomplish, the more people will be attracted to you and the lonelier you will feel.
31. You’d be surprised how few people will stop or question you if you are confident enough…
32. People’s perception of “Successful shining examples of humanity.” is usually pretty off the mark… want proof? Look up pictures of the start ups of some of the most successful people. They often look like the most awkward nerds who live at home, are unemployed, and don’t get invited to dinner parties.
33. “Getting money” is a pointless goal. Money is a means to an end, not an end itself.
34. The business mind desires to create the greatest gains at the least costs through the safest investment. The artistic mind desires to use every resource available to them, to push the limits of their talent, and create something that has never been made before that will impact the world. You need BOTH in balance to succeed.
35. You cannot learn a language without learning the culture.
36. It honestly is pretty unfair every country is expected to learn English but English speakers don’t have to learn any language. (We hardly even know English!)
37. Learning another language will help you understand every language you already know better.
38. You never truly know someone until you’ve talked with them in their own language.
39. Learning another language WILL make you wish your language had words that express things that you can in the new language.
40. The feeling that “You Can’t” is one of the biggest reasons you won’t.
41. You have many failings and your life is a mess….. But it is honestly the same with everyone else whether it looks that way or not.
42. The way your life looks from the inside and the way it looks from the outside are two totally different things.
43. There is no point arguing with the voice within your head telling you you’re a failure. It tends to know your failings far better than you know your strengths, and it will destroy you and everyone/thing you love.
44. You DON’T know best… but neither do others… once you realize that, life becomes a bit less frustrating.
45. Life is not about earning your worth. You are a human being. A living soul. Created by God. Your value is already beyond what you could ever earn.
46. Making mistakes, doing wrong, being lazy, not choosing the best option… none of these make you worthless, nor weaker than anyone else.
47. Strength is not something that can be measured by looking at others.
48. Strength does not come from never feeling strained. That just means you have never been tested. Strength is pushing forward in SPITE of feeling strained.
49. Courage does not come from never feeling fear. That is stupidity. Courage comes from pushing forward in spite of being scared.
50. Each time we succeed is worth celebrating. Each time we fail is worth learning from.
Don’t tear yourself down for not being married by 30, not having kids by 40, not being self sustaining by 50. You ARE growing! By denying that, you are denying the lessons that you learned. We are not valuable and worthless humans. We are not strong and weak humans. We are precious lives! Each with unique strengths and weaknesses in a combination seen no where else! Life is not about keeping up with others. It’s about discovering what you can do and doing it!
Whatever you feel today. Whatever lies before you. Whatever you’ve told yourself or others have told you; know this!