2018 Retrospective

And so that’s it. 2018 is over.

 
Not gonna lie, it was a pretty rough year for me…
 
-Found out my injuries were permanent
-Spent a year bouncing between tests for Liver Cancer and Lyme Disease (which I don’t have thankfully)
-Messed up my vocal chords after a reaction to MRI Dye
-Lost a good portion of my diet
-Had many breakdowns from pain
-Headaches got worse
-Dealt with rumors and criticisms
-Almost had my car fall apart
-Lost my dog
-Lost my Grandmother
-Lost some friends
-Lost some extended family
 
I had a lot of things I wanted to accomplish in 2018…. and managed to accomplish almost none of them…
 
For every door that was open a crack, I raced towards it to find another brick wall behind it…
 
For every bit of security, I got reminded how temporary everything is…
 
For every dream I pursued, I got something outside my control thrown at me to block me at the last second…
 
They often talk about being stuck in the hallways of life… What they don’t tell you is that the building you’re in is on fire!
 
I came to question a lot about life and about myself…
 
Why won’t the doors so many others go through ever open for me?
 
Am I defective?
 
What is the point of having survived all that I have if this is the result?
 
Can there even be a future anymore?
 
What even is of value?
 
What even is reality?
 
What is the world no one else seems to see?
 
It was a had year for me…. but it was a hard year for a lot of people it seems. This year has held so much hate, panic, suffering and loss. Personally I find it ridiculous just how many people have had two deaths this year in their families relatively close together.
 
I’ve seen parents, siblings, and children weep. I’ve seen leaders crumble. I’ve seen security rot. I’ve seen strength get chipped away.
 
It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed… inferior… or unready when you see just how much is falling apart around you… or how much I didn’t accomplish….
 
But I’m still here….
 
It’s 2019 and I’m still here… And I think that is something worth celebrating….
 
I may not be as strong as I feel I need to be, but I’m stronger than I was… and I will be stronger still than what I am right now… and that I find encouraging….
 
I may not have accomplished all I wanted, but I did accomplish some things, and that is worth being proud of.
 
-I’ve learned to endure through the hard times
-I’ve learned to empathize with those the world casts away as outliers
-I’ve learned patience through the misinformed, the well meaning, and the advantageous
-I’ve learned perseverance through the failures
 
I’ve learned that chasing after the short term leaves you with nothing, while patiently preparing for the long term exponentially reaps rewards.
 
I’ve learned growth, maturity, value, and power that go beyond the treasures I originally chased.
 
Most importantly; I’ve learned the importance of letting go of what was so you can pursue what could be.
 
As we approach 2019, I know there are many who are exhausted. Many who are worn out. Many who wonder if they can even do this for another 365 days.
 
It’s 2019! You survived 2018 and are stronger than you were. You can make it for another! Let’s do it together!
 
I’ll admit, 2019 is somewhere between exciting and terrifying for me.
 
I have a month and a half left until I have my bachelors degree. Which will unfortunately be 3 days after I turn too old to apply for the JET program which was the original reason I went for it. Not that that matters, because even if I was the right age, with my headaches worsening, and body in the shape it is, I can’t afford to lose Canada’s free (and in English) healthcare right now. My plans, backup plans, and backup of backup plans have all fallen through due to last minute changes of regulations or timing. I still have 2-3 health appointments coming up that are still pretty nerve wracking for me… and there are a lot of unknowns ahead…
 
But I’ll keep marching forward…. because at the end, that’s all we can do isn’t it?
 
If I can do it, I’ll do it. If I can’t, I won’t. At the end of the day that is all we are ever capable of. So why worry? Has anyone ever changed their circumstance by worrying? Has anyone ever saved themselves by worrying? Worrying is immaturity disguised as maturity. It is draining your motivation and energy that could be much better used dealing with what you can do.
 
At the end of the day, God never told us to bring results, He told us to go… so that HE could bring results through us.
 
So, to quote the Bible a bit;
 
the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us[a] from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” Daniel 3:17-18
 
So fight on through this coming year! Fight on and refuse to give in to all the voices telling you to give up. Though the world may seem dark, remember; The darker it gets, the more impactful even the smallest spark of life may seem.
 
Fight on! Even if you cannot find the good in this world worth saving, then BE the good in this world worth saving!
 
Fight on! Because you made it this far, and that is something worth celebrating!
 

Happy New Years!

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Futility of Faults

Don’t waste your time on blame and fault.

 
In this life:
-There will be those who hurt you
-There will be those who accuse you of the wrong things
-There will be those who contradict themselves obviously
-There will be times you feel offended
 

And you most likely will do all these to the others as well.

 
Don’t get me wrong. There is most definitely a “Right” and a “Wrong” in this world; and there is benefit to looking over past actions for ways to improve in the future… but tell me; Is anyone wrong for the sake of being wrong?
 
We have this nasty habit of judging people’s and our own intentions by our actions. That’s not the way it works.
 
People are logically illogical. No matter how ludicrous their actions may seem. No matter how many people they blindly walked over to get to where they are. No matter how much they say “A=B and that’s why B will never = A!” the truth is, their actions are based on a logical assessment of what they accomplish vs what it costs. They may be sincerely wrong, but they are still sincere….
 
This is why so many arguments turn to flame wars in debates. We approach those we don’t agree with, not as people who have logical reasons for the choices they make clouded by their limited perspective we all share as human beings… but instead as “THOSE MONSTERS WHO HAVE PERSONALLY MADE IT THEIR LIFE’S PURPOSE TO DESTROY ME AND EVERYONE LIKE ME!” We like this philosophy. It makes us feel just, and powerful. It makes us feel like we have the right to attack in any way we so desire, after all these people are “evil”! …. this viewpoint is the most worthless waste of time we can pursue.
 
We are all people! We have differing views. We have differing backgrounds. We have differing talents and abilities. But we are all still people in the end. Do you react with a “Oh wow! I have seen the error of my ways! I shall think on this as I follow your advice.” when you are accused of being a demon, monster, or any other slur we toss so lightly at those we disagree with?? No! It makes us want to fight! To hold on tighter to our cause just to spite those rude people who have offended us!
 

So then why do we assume we will accomplish anything by throwing these slurs at others??

 
Again I will repeat this so as to not create any confusion:
-I am NOT saying that everyone is right and it doesn’t really matter. There is most DEFINITELY a true right and a true wrong in this world!
 
-I am NOT saying just let people do as they will, it doesn’t matter if they hurt others. No! There are consequences to our actions, and choosing poorly will hurt others.
 

But why do we assume intent from action? Why do we consider worth of the person via the successes and failures we recognize?

 
We aren’t people on a high peak looking down at the peons in the garbage pit. We’re all lost souls, treading water. Just because one may be clinging onto the lifeboat, doesn’t mean that they are superior to everyone else.
 
You can see faults in those around you that you yourself have dealt with. Good for you. Help them. Encourage them. Guide them, but also realize the choice is ultimately theirs. As frustrating as it can be, don’t look down on them if they don’t decide to follow you. Realize the immense amount of shortcomings you must have that YOU can’t or won’t see and deal with.
 

So then how can we know who’s valuable and who isn’t? Who’s mature and who’s immature? Who’s strong and who’s weak?

 
….News Flash…. We are all made in God’s image and loved by Him enough for Him to send His son to die for our sins…. I mean… there is absolutely nothing we could do to earn this worth. That’s why it’s called grace. Because it was given. What do you mean one may have earned more value than the other??? None of us have “earned” anything! We are all lost sinners but for grace. And because of grace we are all now precious and irreplaceable. Whether we choose to accept the gift or not doesn’t affect our value, only our fate.
 
Who’s mature? Is anyone mature? When I was a 5 year old they told me I was still young. When I was 10 they told me I was still young. When I was 20 again… I was still young… I have witnessed people in their 60’s being told “You are still young.” No matter how old you get. No matter how much you learn. You are still immature. There are still things for you to learn. You are human. You have blind spots. That will not change. If someone points out that you have areas you are weak in, that is not a bash to your value. It is just a fact of life. We all have areas we are weak in. Many times we think others have areas they’re weak in when really it is our own weakness blinding us. Do not judge others based on the maturity you can see.
 
Who is strong and who is weak? How can you determine strength? We often determine strength based on what we view ourselves being able to handle. This is a bad way to measure strength. Can a pencil consider a hammer to be strong because it can hammer in nails without breaking? Can a hammer consider a pencil to be strong because it can sacrifice itself to write papers that may topple nations or inspire generations? How can you compare strength by comparing the actions of things meant for different scenarios? It is not strength not to struggle. It is strength to push forward even when it is tough. It is not strength not to fail. It is strength to get back up again after failure. Strength is not something we are born with, it is something we choose to do. We are not strong or weak people. We choose in each moment if we will stand strong or give in to our weakness. And through each moment the challenge is brought to you, the choice is never any easier.
 
So people make choices based on what they logically believe is the most constructive to them. Not specifically to attack you.
 
So our worth is not based on our actions or existence or seeming lack of weaknesses.
 
So fighting against those we disagree with is unproductive because they are not illogical mindless demons bent on destroying everything we care about in spite of what activist articles may label them all
 
But what if they DO hurt us! What then??? What can we do to protect ourselves?? How can we stay safe?!?!
 
Do you believe in God?
(If no, then I’m sorry… for many reasons, but mostly because there is only so far I can encourage through a logical argument without going straight to the core of all logic itself)
 
If you do believe in God, do you believe He truly cares for us like He said He does? That He is as all powerful as He says He is? That He is all that He says He is?
 
No… I’m not going to say “then He will protect you from the evil ones.” because that’s not the point. And let’s admit it, He won’t stop all the hits from coming. How much have Christians suffered in the past? We’ve been burnt on stakes for entertainment, fed to wild animals, executed in every manner of the way, manipulated by those who wanted power and wealth, been turned into the scape goats for all the worlds’ problems often caused by actions we warned them against taking in the first place….
 

In Life You Will Get Hurt!

 
But here’s the thing… God is still in control…
 
God blinds the eyes of who He wishes, opens the eyes of who He wishes, hardens the hearts of who He wishes, lets rise into power who He wishes, tears down from power who He wishes. Whether the people in question follow Him or not, He can still use it to His plan.
 
If you truly believe God is all He says He is, then realize, when someone comes up you’d rather not deal with. God let that person appear. And God would only do that to help you grow. Perhaps to reveal sin and weakness in your own life, perhaps to help you build endurance, perhaps to give you an example of how you should never act when you are in the place of your offender.
 
Realize these are not trials… but opportunities. Opportunities to grow. Opportunities to learn. Is God punishing you for not being perfect? He never thought you were. Are you letting God down by not being strong enough? You were never holding Him up.

 

Breathe
 
Relax
 
learn
 
Grow
 

Have faith and know. He is in control.

50 More General Observations

Random Observations From Life:

 
1. People (much like anything in physics) will most often take the path of least resistance, whether mentally, physically, or spiritually.
 
2. All living creatures have instincts, (innate propensity to take certain actions/feel certain things) the ability to go against said instincts is one of the foundational factors in sentience.
 
3. An item that saves the lives of millions or adds 20+ years to your life will probably never have the funding or acceptance as a device that shaves 30 seconds off a repetitive task.
 
4. Failure is not an end. It is a state of being. The sooner you become accepting of failure, the farther you go.
 
5. Success has negatives. It risks us becoming stagnant, no longer desiring to push our limits.
 
6. The fact that people believe “If it was possible, it would have already been done” is possibly the greatest reason it may still be possible.
 
7. There are few things more powerful than the desire and appreciation for taking “One More Step.”
 
8. You don’t need to be the best to be successful. You just need to be better than those you sell to have access to.
 
9. There are no rules in life. There are choices and consequences, (one of which being the consequences for the choice of not following the rules set in place by others).
 
10. Punishments are set in place to encourage you to follow the rules and are only as valuable as the respect/fear for the governing body outweighs the desire of the person making the actions. Consequences are unavoidable results of choices. It doesn’t matter if consequences seem unjust, they’re just consequences!
 
11. If you study for 3 months and only get 5/100 questions right on the test…. those are still 5 answers you would never have known if you hadn’t tried.
 
12. The only way to “Waste time” is to toss aside the lessons you learned through the process by calling that season “a waste of time”
 
13. People gain success by bringing something unique to the world and persevering and readjusting until it worked. People CHASE success by trying to copy everything successful people did and expecting immediate results… People rarely realize the irony of this.
 
14. There is literally no purpose to worrying, yet it feels like we are horrible irresponsible people if we don’t. But what has worry gotten you? Has it made you more efficient? Made problems go away? All it accomplishes is wasting your energy and focus giving you more unfinished projects to worry about in the future.
 
15. Your life never ends till your dead…. You may fail at your job, lose your lover, lose your job, have your parents hate you, have the world spread bad rumors about you, end up on the street, get an incurable disease, the works…. but until you’re dead your life is not over.
 
16. Life is not a series of levels/chapters you win or lose… it’s more like skydiving… and dodging rocks as you fall…
 
17. There is no such thing as a “professional” place. Even the largest companies, once you’re inside them you realize they’re a bunch of bumbling people who have no idea what they’re doing and are pushing things out barely finished.
 
18. See where you are.. not as an end result or as a limit to where you could possibly end up, but as an accurate representation of what you can currently do and what you are currently limited to.
 
19. Know where you want to go. Not as what you are going to do right now, but as a trajectory you can aim towards.
 
20. Know what you live for. Ask yourself “If I could be remembered for one thing in life, what would it be?” It will be vague and not very practical, but that will define what most the choices you make will revolve around.
 
21. There is no such thing as evil. Evil is simply the absence of good much like darkness is the absence of light or silence is the absence of sound.
 
22. No one does evil for the sake of doing evil. There is always a logical (even if wrong) justification for every action someone takes.
 
23. Identifying the logical justification allows one to more tactfully handle the emotional, and often harmful response from people
 
24. You can never save anyone by fighting. You may be able to protect someone temporarily, but hate only begets more hate. The harder you push one opposing force, the harder that opposing force will push back.
 
25. 90% of being good in an emergency is learning not to panic/worry/react either from immediate pressures or long term pressures
 
26. A powerful lie does not counter the truth, but warps it. It is far more effective to redirect than to fight against the flow.
 
27. Nothing in life can be proven absolutely. (no not even that statement) Our concept of “proof” is limited by our small perspective.
 
28. The foundation of wisdom is realizing and accepting you don’t know
 
29. The concept that life is on rails, (go to school, get a job, get raises, get married, have kids, retire, die) is an illusion that is starting to fail along with society. Life is not on rails, nor is there a train that will safely take you to your destination. Life is wandering the wilderness on a trajectory towards your goal. There are innumerable ways to get there.
 
30. The more you accomplish, the more people will be attracted to you and the lonelier you will feel.
 
31. You’d be surprised how few people will stop or question you if you are confident enough…
 
32. People’s perception of “Successful shining examples of humanity.” is usually pretty off the mark… want proof? Look up pictures of the start ups of some of the most successful people. They often look like the most awkward nerds who live at home, are unemployed, and don’t get invited to dinner parties.
 
33. “Getting money” is a pointless goal. Money is a means to an end, not an end itself.
 
34. The business mind desires to create the greatest gains at the least costs through the safest investment. The artistic mind desires to use every resource available to them, to push the limits of their talent, and create something that has never been made before that will impact the world. You need BOTH in balance to succeed.
 
35. You cannot learn a language without learning the culture.
 
36. It honestly is pretty unfair every country is expected to learn English but English speakers don’t have to learn any language. (We hardly even know English!)
 
37. Learning another language will help you understand every language you already know better.
 
38. You never truly know someone until you’ve talked with them in their own language.
 
39. Learning another language WILL make you wish your language had words that express things that you can in the new language.
 
40. The feeling that “You Can’t” is one of the biggest reasons you won’t.
 
41. You have many failings and your life is a mess….. But it is honestly the same with everyone else whether it looks that way or not.
 
42. The way your life looks from the inside and the way it looks from the outside are two totally different things.
 
43. There is no point arguing with the voice within your head telling you you’re a failure. It tends to know your failings far better than you know your strengths, and it will destroy you and everyone/thing you love.
 
44. You DON’T know best… but neither do others… once you realize that, life becomes a bit less frustrating.
 
45. Life is not about earning your worth. You are a human being. A living soul. Created by God. Your value is already beyond what you could ever earn.
 
46. Making mistakes, doing wrong, being lazy, not choosing the best option… none of these make you worthless, nor weaker than anyone else.
 
47. Strength is not something that can be measured by looking at others.
 
48. Strength does not come from never feeling strained. That just means you have never been tested. Strength is pushing forward in SPITE of feeling strained.
 
49. Courage does not come from never feeling fear. That is stupidity. Courage comes from pushing forward in spite of being scared.
 
50. Each time we succeed is worth celebrating. Each time we fail is worth learning from.
 
Don’t tear yourself down for not being married by 30, not having kids by 40, not being self sustaining by 50. You ARE growing! By denying that, you are denying the lessons that you learned. We are not valuable and worthless humans. We are not strong and weak humans. We are precious lives! Each with unique strengths and weaknesses in a combination seen no where else! Life is not about keeping up with others. It’s about discovering what you can do and doing it!
 
Whatever you feel today. Whatever lies before you. Whatever you’ve told yourself or others have told you; know this!

 

YOU
 
ARE
 
DOING
 

GREAT!

Looking Back at One Year

Welp, we’ve officially reached a year since I had my injury that started all of this. This year has not gone like I had expected. In fact if you had told me last May that 365 days from then I’d still be unemployed, unable to walk for long periods of time, and dealing with the further diagnoses’ of NASH and Fibromyalgia…. I might have given up right there.
 
This year has not gone like I expected… There have been many tears, sleepless nights, close calls, and hard discussions. There have been days where I’ve felt like I would give anything to make the pain stop even just for an hour…. there have been days I’ve wondered if I’ll ever have an income again. I’ve taken direct hits to my pride in places I never even knew I had pride.
 
Becoming a burden on those you care about, losing your freedom to do what you want, gaining weight no matter how hard you exercise or how much you change your diet, being open about mistakes in the past, being barely able to even do your own chores, not being able to help others do heavy lifting or shoveling of snow etc because you physically can’t keep up, wondering if you’ll ever be able to be self sufficient, wondering if you can ever be a breadwinner in the home, wondering if you’re even worth marrying or could even raise a family, getting judged as “just not trying hard enough”, the fear of going bankrupt, the fear of getting cancer, the fear of never being able to walk again, the list goes on…. but at the same time, it was all pride.
 
My situation may not have changed and my health my be in shambles, but even if my situation is still the same after a year, I am not. God has been working hard on me, and I don’t know why. But there are times in life when we aren’t meant to question. They’re times when we’re just meant to rise up to the challenges He presents.
 
I have become more organized, more studious. I appreciate the fleeting aspects of life, that I don’t have to stand alone. I used to believe that as long as I could have a house and a family and live a peaceful life, then that would be enough. Now I realize that I don’t want that, and can’t just settle for mediocre. I want to push myself to what only God can do through me.
 
I’ve realized that blame is pointless. It’s not about whose fault it is, but about what you will do moving forward. People can waste their lives obsessing over those who wronged them, those who couldn’t understand them, God for letting it happen…. but what do they gain from it? Can being angry at someone undo what was done? Did those who wrong you even do it JUST to wrong you? Chances are they were acting as best they could. And quite honestly it wasn’t other people who decided whether you rise or fall but God. And God does all things for your benefit, not your loss, so why blame him and miss the strength He is teaching you through it?
 
The truth is that all the things around you…. finances, relationships, health, comfort, future, world order, peace, chaos…. they are all nothing but waves crashing around you. Nothing but a distraction that doesn’t even matter. Keep your eyes on God. The rest doesn’t matter. Keep your eyes on God and He will strengthen you to endure waves that come at you, or may even block the ones you are not ready for.
 
How can I know this? Because it was not by my own strength that I have made it this far. I believed that all things would end come December, and yet here I am still standing. Things are still pretty bad, but this has been a peaceful walk compared to what it could have been. Compared to what it should have been. God is still working on me even though I fail Him time and time again.
 
Yes this road is getting to me. Yes there are days that I break down. But can I truly despair? No… because no matter how bad things get…. no matter how hopeless the future looks… I truly believe that God could undo all of this by tomorrow morning if He so wished…. but even if He doesn’t. Even if things continue to get worse (which I pray that they don’t) I have come to realize He will be with me to help me endure… and to protect me from that which I cannot.
 
There are a multitude of speakers out there who have been through rough times and are now on the other side. But I think it’s equally important to speak up when you’re in the midst of the storm as well. It is easy enough to say things like “I lost my job and it was the best thing that happened to me because now I have this successful company!” or “I was destitute in $80,000 worth of debt and now I’m a millionaire!” but… what can that give other than a brief moment of encouragement? It is good to hear that there is an end to the tunnel, but isn’t it better to hear what the person did to get through it? How they coped on those days when they could barely wake up? Or on those nights when they were so stressed that they couldn’t sleep? To realize that they were stressed and hurt…. and it’s alright to be human like that? That feeling too weak to move forward at times doesn’t mean that you never will?
 
And so if I can encourage anyone else standing in the midst of the storm, I’ll speak now. Because to ignore all that happened this past year would be to waste it.
 
My hope and prayer is that I become strong enough that I will rely on God just as desperately in a time of plenty and blessing, as I do in a time of pain and want. I’m not where I want to me, and there are days when I’m tired or scared…. but even still… God is in control. Whether I am blessed or cursed, does it really matter? Does my current situation limit what God can do through me? Does my current situation deem my worth? Even King Nebuchadnezzar was raised to a seat of power by God, and then later had it taken away by God. Even though he believed it was his own doing.
 
So no. While I do want to live without pain, or have a lot of the stresses crushing in on me to disappear…. I’ve come to realize it is not my ability that will determine which way life will go…. God will bring me out of this if He so wishes, or provide for me to endure if He decides for me to stay.
 
God never asked for us to provide results, only to do the best we can with what we are given and to keep our eyes on Him throughout it all. and quite honestly, that is labour enough! So, as we pass the one year mark, no I am not where I want to be… but I am where God has placed me which means I am where I am meant to be.
 
Amen.

The Wolf of Class 1D — Dimensional Theory

It has been about 1/4 a year since I published my second novel The Wolf of Class 1D and I have reached the nerve-wracking, yet exciting time of hearing feedback from those who have read it. The most common feedback I hear is questions about my use of the fourth dimension. Where did I come up with the idea? How does it work? How extensive is it?

Seeing as I was fairly limited in how detailed my explanation could be within the book (because even with me cutting out most of it, my base explanation still ended up being the longest chapter!) I decided to write a post to better explain the full extent of my dimensional theory for those fellow lore lovers out there who want to get a thorough explanation of how the world of The Wolf of Class 1D works!

Some Base Disclaimers:

  1. I am a Christian. Anyone who knows me or follows this blog should be very aware of that. Because of this, Dimensional Theory is very much inspired by my faith and beliefs. Asking me to come up with a scientific/logical theory without God would be like asking me to write a fictional novel without my imagination. I just can’t do it!
  2. Dimensional Theory; while interesting and arguably very applicable, is still just a theory. It was a concept I came up with trying to explain the things I saw in this world which I couldn’t explain, and then I expanded upon and made more fantastical to become the plot point of The Wolf of Class 1D. While I believe the theory holds a lot of merit, and can help people understand this world better; it is ONLY a theory. There is no research or scientific evidence to back it up. I would argue that due to the very nature of the theory it may be impossible to prove or disprove, but it was just a potential conclusion formed from several decades worth of observations and should be taken as such.

With those two disclaimers out of the way; Let’s begin!

What Are Dimensions?

Dimensional Theory can be a daunting theory at first because it talks about things “Beyond our existence”. If it were a concept easy to wrap your head around, quantum physics would most likely be considered a primary course as opposed to PHD worthy.

That being said; I strongly believe that theories like these are more like a magic trick than a laborious task. While first attempting to wrap your head around the concept seems impossible, once you learn the trick behind the concept, it becomes fairly simple. Even moreso the more you use it!

A Basic Breakdown:

In The Wolf of Class 1D I described the concept of dimensions something like this:

Let’s say you had two worlds. One world is two-dimensional, the other is three-dimensional. If you were to take a cube (or any object) from the three-dimensional world, and place it on top of the two-dimensional world, the two dimensional world would clearly see and interact with the cube, however they could not see ALL of the cube. They would just see a square. A shadow of what the whole item may be.

In the same way with all dimensions; each dimension is connected to and influenced by the dimension above it, yet cannot fully see all there is to that dimension as it is beyond it. There are times it may see more or less of that dimension, or even a warped version of it based on how the two interact (imagine a cube on it’s edge or corner vs a cube on it’s face) but at the same time, the two are interconnected and not separate.

Now if you’re still following with me; That’s great! The rest of this shouldn’t be too much of a jump! If you’re a bit confused… Keep hanging on; it might make sense as you see it in play.

The First Dimension — Information:

In math; the first dimension would be a dot or a line (depending on who your math teacher was… personally I agree more with the line) There is only one way it goes. Often described as left or right, there is no up and down.

In the same way, in Dimensional Theory, the first dimension is information. Just pure data. While this may be counter cultural to our fact-based culture; if you study statistics it makes a lot more sense.

Data on its own is pretty useless. It can be misinterpreted. It overlooks a lot of inexplicable things. In writing and drama you learn that text makes up about 10% of communication. Context (what led up to this) makes up about 27% and the rest… is subtext (What isn’t said but is felt). It is the same reason why one can so easily find loopholes for laws, but morals are a touch more durable.

For these reasons, information achieves the position as the lowest of all dimensions. But that doesn’t make it useless! No! Information is all around us. It’s a part of everything. Information is essential! But on it’s own it is not enough.

The Second Dimension — Imagination:

If the first dimension is information, the second dimension would have to be imagination. And no… I am not saying this as the bias of a speculative fiction writer, though indeed, imagination is a huge part of my life. I say this because imagination is not limited to what information is found. In fact, often times, imagination can lead to the discovery of new information. Just as a lot of information can inspire a new bent on imagination. *cough cough* says the guy who wrote a book inspired by counselling and quantum physics

That being said, imagination is limited to the second dimension as… in all honesty, reality has stuff that imagination can’t come close to. While your imagination can often seem more extreme than reality or even with less conflicts and issues… this imperfect reality still seems to blow you away in ways you never though possible!

You can imagine all you want about standing at the edge of a giant cliff; hundreds of thousands of feet in the air…. but it won’t come close to the awe of standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon, or the precipice of Mount Everest. You can imagine the perfect match for you and fantasize the wildest things that aren’t even humanly possible with them… but it won’t impact your heart to the extent of that imperfect real world love of yours trying to impress you.

In fact; the most impactful works of fiction are often the ones that draw from things we have really experienced. To remind us of them instead of forcing us to imagine something we cannot comprehend.

The Third Dimension — Physical Space:

Next we come to the third dimension; the physical world. These are the things we can see, touch, hear, taste, smell. The things our five senses pick up on. Our physical bodies are tied to this world. Matter is tied to this world. This world is impacted by energy. Physics exist as we know it. Majority of science is made from observations which have been turned into information from this third dimension. Majority of theories and fiction are inspired by the information gathered from this world.

If my third dimension body were to punch your third dimension body would you not feel pain? If my third dimension body were to massage or heal your third dimension body, would you not feel comfort? Our third dimensional bodies secrete chemicals which affect how we feel. How distracted we will be. All the information gathered from our five senses take place here. All our physical limitations also take place here. This is the third dimension. The place all should be most familiar with. There is really not much more to say than that.

The Difficulty Spike:

Finally we reach the point where it starts to get complicated. When I was younger I came up with a theory I called “Laws of Reality” inspired by the “Deeper Magic” talked about in C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. This theory were simply a list of rules that had nothing to do with what SHOULD be or what COULD be…. they were simply laws that HAD to be for anything to make sense. These rules included things such as;

  • You cannot have light without darkness, for darkness is simply the absence of light.
  • You cannot have good without evil as evil is simply the absence or warping of good
  • A choice without consequences is meaningless
  • Sentience without free will is a torturous existence
  • There must be absolute truth because even saying “There is NO absolute truth” would be an absolute truth

And of course, most relevant to this theory:

  • Something cannot fully understand or create something equal to or greater than itself.

This is why we struggle to understand the human brain. This is why who we are is such a philosophical question. This is why purpose and theology seem so abstract. This is why AI, though faster, is still so incredibly far from human reasoning. And most importantly, this is why you shouldn’t feel bad if the dimensions to come don’t make perfect sense… they aren’t supposed to. They are supposed to be beyond us.

The Fourth Dimension — Us:

In The Wolf of Class 1D, the fourth dimension was described as the place where our personalities and emotions truly were. Separate from, yet tied to our physical bodies. This was why you can have such an impact on someone’s thoughts and emotions without even physically making contact with them, such as in a text, a memory, or even this blog post.

“Sticks and Stones may break my bones but Words Will Never Hurt Me!”

We all know this isn’t true… the fourth dimension is why. Call it your spirit, your soul, your identity, whatever you want… but there is something in humans that goes beyond body and mind…. as most people seem to (even if begrudgingly) agree to.

While maybe not as fantastical as The Wolf of Class 1D where the fourth dimensional selves of people gave them animal ears, amazing powers, or even turned them into giant monsters… there was a point I wanted to get across with the exaggerations in the story.

First: Though who we are at our core remains; our fourth dimensional selves do change!

As we grow in confidence. As we understand who we are and what we can do. As the events which take place in our lives impact us deeply. As we choose to hold onto or let go of events which happen to us… our fourth dimensional self changes. We either grow or shrink. We either become empowering or destructive. But we WILL change.

Second: How you react to events in your life IS important!

Life is tough… Life is cruel… Life can often teach us the furthest extents of despair… but even still, we need to keep moving. I say this not just so you will be less of a burden, but also for your own sake!

When events negatively impact us… we are given three choices.

First we can hold onto it. Let it fester and boil within us. Refuse to let go. We’ll never forgive and we’ll never forget! This then turns that event into a trigger… a stumbling block. It grows within us, filling us with fear, pride, rage, or more…. We begin to lose sight of the things around us, and it slowly begins to warp us as we do things we never intended to do. We become someone we never intended to be.

Second option is to bury it. Ignore it. Attempt to pretend it never happened. Again… this is a dangerous choice. Because it did happen. You can’t change the past by ignoring it. It did happen, and no matter how much you ignore it that pain will still be there. And as more pains come and you bury them, it will get tighter and tighter in there. You’ll become ashamed of your life… of who you are… you’ll expend so much energy attempting to keep all the hurts in your life hidden and you’ll learn nothing from them… until one day… finally… something small will come… something you never even thought to guard against…. it will come in under your radar, and it will hit you hard. It will hit you so that all the hurts you kept buried will come flying out at whoever hurt you… and then you will be the one who caused pain. And believe me, you don’t want that.

Third option finally is to accept it. Accept that the pain hurt. Accept that it was wrong. Cry your eyes out. Admit you can barely handle it. There is no shame in feeling weak. Anyone who tells you that is most likely trying too hard to hide their own weakness. Accept, mourn, and then move forward. Don’t try to pretend that what happened never happened… it did. Use it. Learn from it. Let it turn you into someone more sympathetic. Someone who can better help those around you. Someone who can create a place of comfort and healing in this world.

You will never save this world by destroying the things in it. You will only save it by building in it!

Third: There are no monsters and saints. We are all human.

I watch the news after a tragedy, and I hear words people use. “They were a monster.” “They weren’t even human.” “Such a demon.”

We post the most hideous photos we can find about them and treat them as something other than human…. but all we are really doing is covering up what we don’t want to accept.

Anyone could do that…

As mentioned in The Wolf of Class 1D, If you don’t deal with the issues in your life. If you hold onto hurts, lusts, negative things in general… even if you do so for the best of reasons such as justice… you will find yourself beginning to change.

Chances are you won’t notice the change as it is slow and as was stated in the book, “There is no one harder to clearly see than yourself.” But you will change… and slowly turn into what you never wanted to be.

The first victim of a monster is always the monster…. I truly believe this. People don’t go out into this world in an attempt to be evil. That level of ludicrousy is limited to the black mustached villains of children’s shows. Everyone lives their lives doing what is justifiable in their own eyes. Doing something horrendous to someone is as easy as telling yourself “They aren’t like me… They aren’t even human! They gave up/never had that right!”

Which leads us back to how we view those who do wrong… or those we disagree with in general… and why our hatred of them can often turn us into what we hate the most.

We are ALL just human. ANYONE can become a monster.

While this thought is terrifying in itself… realize the reverse is also true.

We are ALL just human. NO ONE is beyond redemption.

The consequences of your actions will remain. As mentioned earlier. You will have to live with those consequences for the rest of your life. But YOU are still redeemable. As I said at the first point. Though our fourth dimensional selves change, the core of who we are still remains the same. It may get buried. It may get tortured. It may get bound, beaten, or bruised. But the core of who you are… your identity… it’s still there. It’s why you can see someone years later to have discovered they became someone completely different from who you ever thought they would be…. but they are still them… you still recognize them.

Shed off the parts of yourself you shouldn’t be. Build up the parts that you should!

 

I went long on the fourth dimension; partially because it is what The Wolf of Class 1D is based on, but also because I believe it is an important concept to consider.

“Who Are We?” This question may sound silly and childish to ask up front… but how many of our world issues spring from this?

  • What is my identity?
  • Are our personalities decided by our chemical breakdown? Our choices? Something else?
  • When is a human a human?
  • Does race matter?
  • Does beliefs raise or lower your value?
  • What about the mentally disabled?
  • What makes someone “human”?

We ask these questions daily… our news stations are saturated with them. Thousands of causes are started about them. The question people want to know is…. “What am I?”

The Fifth Dimension — Angels and Demons:

The fifth and sixth dimensions are two I often speculate on the order of. That being said, I place them in the fifth dimension due to a few things I noticed in the bible.

A lot of people describe “a god” as simply a being of immense power… This is a definition I choose to disagree with. If a god was simply a being of more power than humans could have or comprehend; there would be many gods… in fact, some humans would probably be considered gods in their own right.

That being said, while I disagree that beings of more power are all it takes to be gods…. I do believe there are beings of more power than humans out there. The bible speaks a lot about them.

  • That God created angels
  • That some angels rebelled and became demons
  • That angels were often used as messengers of God
  • That there is a spiritual war of angels and demons happening at all times around us even though we (usually) cannot see it
  • That when humans met angels, they fell down in awe and worship because they were greater than they could comprehend (though the angels in turn desperately begged them not to worship them when they were so low and unworthy of prayer)
  • That demons would offer power, miraculous signs and wonders, things that no human could do, but in turn the human would begin to lose themselves to the demons
  • That there is a deep attraction in humans to both angels and demons which make them dangerous to think too much about or pay too much attention to lest we end up worshiping them and not the God who made them.

I believe the best way I heard to describe it was that “God wants a relationship with you because God loves you. The Devil wants a relationship with you… because God loves you…” in other words. The Devil and demons don’t care one way or the other about you… He just wants to destroy what is precious to God.

So that is why I place Angels and Demons above humans… but why do I place them below the next dimension? *Spoilers* the next dimension is time!

The Sixth Dimension — Time:

Current quantum physics places the physical realm and time within the same plane. (AKA the fabric of spacetime) I stretch them apart in order to fit our personalities and Angels and Demons between the two for two reasons.

  1. Neither who we are, nor angels and demons seem to be tied nor fully perceivable by our third dimension senses. While there are senses which do seem capable of noticing these dimensions. Empathy and intuition for the 4th dimension. Faith and spiritual awareness for the 5th) There is still so much which seems completely undetectable in the third dimension save for the impact they have on it.
  2. While both who we are and angels and demons seem to be in a realm above the third dimension; they both seem to be (temporarily) bound to the realm of time. The Bible does talk about after the end of the physical world, the demons will be cast into the pit for all eternity, and the souls of those who ask to be saved will spend eternity in glory… While this suggests that both are capable of being outside of time… it also suggests that we WILL get there (hinting we are currently bound to time)….

This being said…. Time is two dimensions above us! It is hard to fully understand!

A lot of people spend most of their lives arguing about predestination, fate, free will, and more… but the best way I can describe how I view time is like this:

The Bible states that God is “OUTSIDE” of time, and quantum physics as well suggest that time has form, which would mean there would need to be an outside to it. But what would “Outside” of time look like?

Imagine if you were looking at a comic strip, or an old fashioned film reel. You are OUTSIDE the realm of time for that comic. You can see what is coming. In the case of reality (or the artist) you can add things to the story to make things easier when the time comes that the event will happen. You see the ending, but the characters are still the ones who decide what will be done.

This is abstract… very abstract I know, yet it’s a kind of joke most of us have grown up on. Such as the Looney Toons episodes where the artist would interact with the characters. Take some time to think about it. I’m not saying this IS the way, for how could I possibly even fully understand it??? But it’s a method I’ve yet to prove wrong… and I think it would explain a lot. When you’re ready it’s time to move onto the next dimension.

The Seventh Dimension — Good and Evil:

“Angels are good and Demons are bad!” ….Okay… but why?

“Charity is good, and murder is bad!” …..Ya… but again why?

“I feel like this is good, and I feel like this is bad!” ….Still… why?

Why are some things good and some things bad? Because we feel like they’re good or bad? But what intuitively is in there to tell us that this is good and this is bad? Because society tells us this is good and this is bad? Society has corrupted itself, fallen down, then returned to old values countless times in the last 7000 years. Why does the cycle repeat? Why do we keep returning to the same values? Why do we keep falling for the same pitfalls?

It’s not about what we feel, because let’s admit it. Being bad can feel really good! It’s not about society, because society changes based on the values we strive for (for better or for worse). It’s not about religion, because someone still had to write that religion, and if everyone disagreed with it it wouldn’t have stood the test of time. It’s not about what’s efficient, because let’s admit it. There are many inhumane things which are VERY efficient!

Good and evil just… are. They’re concepts we seem to constantly return to. They’re concepts we don’t even need to fully be taught about. A child will instinctively know to hide what they did, before even being told it was wrong. They may not understand why, but they know they can’t tell anyone about it.

Now of course there are things that we have put into place. Things in the first dimension of information. Rules, laws, taboos… I’m not talking about those however. I’m talking about the things that remain. The things that still keep coming back. Because as you read history you realize, we really haven’t done anything new. The values we held were held long before. The radical causes we fight for have been fought for before. Technology may change, languages may change, cultures may change… yet the core argument of good and evil remains the same. Why?

The ???Eighth??? Dimension — God:

I put “Eighth” surrounded in question marks as the number here does not matter. If I were to add more dimensions later on, this number would change it. What it really is, is the top dimension.

I mentioned earlier that I did not believe a god was simply a being of great power. To me a god is simply this.

God is what determines what is right and what is wrong.

Now you may notice from this example that I underlined “is”. I am not talking about “God is what you use to determine what YOU believe to be right or what is wrong.” Though that WOULD be what YOU consider to be your God.

There are many things we place as the god of our lives. Science, celebrities, our own intuition, the government, luck, civil rights, tumblr…. It does not matter what you say your religion is or is not…. whatever you feel is your purpose in life is your belief. Whatever decides what is good and what is evil in your life is your god.

But that being said; I had just mentioned in the seventh dimension that what IS good and evil is completely separate from our beliefs. We may cannot change reality by wishing it to be so. We can not keep things from happening by ignoring them. What is, is. If God is the one who determines what is right and what wrong; who could create such rules?

A power-hungry mad deity who demands people worship Him or else He will smite them? No wait… that can’t be it. Because those would be rules and laws… not what is right and wrong in itself.

What is right and what is wrong go beyond rules and punishments. Rules and punishments are made to keep us doing right and prevent us from doing wrong. A rule is a warning sign, a punishment is a fine. But should you do what is wrong you will face more than a fine. You will face the consequences of your actions in how they affect everything around you!

So who can determine such things? Who can determine how something is supposed to run in order to avoid it from breaking or causing damage? Who can intuitively know what the optimal conditions are? And how to get you back to them when you’ve run so far away?

The only one who could know a creation that well through and through, is the creator. God. The one above all things.

 

Thank You For Listening!

I know this spiel was long, abstract, and possibly confusing at times; but I hope I explained it in a way that made you consider what I was saying. It is not my place in life to tell you to think one way or the other; and as I said at the beginning, this is only a theory. I have no proof or research to show that it is true. But if I caused you to think… to consider things you never would have otherwise and honestly ponder the world as you viewed it… I would consider this post a success.

 

If you found this concept interesting, and would like to read a fantastical adventure with such concepts visualized; I would like to invite you to read my latest book, The Wolf of Class 1D. It is available in E-Book and Paperback as well as available on Amazon, Nook, Ibooks, and several other places around the world!

It was a very deep book for me to write, and I would like for it to one day help encourage others just like it did for me.

Again, thank you for listening to my ramble and rant. I hope it was good for you. I hope you have an amazing day and know you are important. Your choices matter, and you have impact. Keep being the amazing person you are!

M.D. Tolman ~Mac~

In His Hands

You know… when I really think about it, there’s absolutely no difference between living a life of comfort and ease, and living a life where every day is a battle and any moment everything could fall apart.
 
No matter how rich, powerful, or well off you are, God could wipe you out in but a single word. No matter how weak, broken, or destitute you are, God could raise you up just as easily.
 
Whether we have freedom or captivity, our hope for the future remains the same. For it was never on our abilities that we were to rise or fall… But by the hand of God.
 
So do not take pride in your standing, and think “I did good and now I am safe to do what I want”…. even though it is easy to do so.
 
Do not despair and say “God save me! I am going to drown!” Even though it is so very hard not to.
 
Your situation hasn’t changed. Your potential hasn’t changed. Your future hasn’t changed. You were, are, and forever will be in God’s hands, whether you follow Him or not. Find comfort and humility in that.
 
Amen

Lessons From Weakness:

It’s been over 5.5 months since I injured both my legs, and I still have over a month to go before my appointment which will take me (potentially only one step) closer towards finding out if I’ve really had Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome or not (which the more I research it, the more I’m surprised of, if nothing else, how many people have lived through surprisingly similar stuff as me) and there has honestly been a lot that I’ve learned. Some positive, some negative, but all of which can be used to either make you grow kinder or harder hearted.

 

  1. It’s Surprising What You Can be Secretly Confident/Proud Of:

 

I have never considered myself to have that strong of an upper body, (though a lot of people apparently thought I did since I’m short and stocky…) but I had always been proud of my leg strength. They honestly always felt like they were made of solid iron. I could leap several feet away with a flick of my ankle, I could jump off walls, my sense of balance was pretty awesome, and mixed with a quick reaction time, there wasn’t much I felt I couldn’t do with them.

 

Ever since the injury however, walking on them has felt like they were being supported by bones of shattered glass. They randomly start shaking and give out on me. I tip over, or roll my ankle quite often, and quite honestly, merely stomping, jumping, jogging, or bracing myself feels like a series of tiny fractures popping all the way up my leg at once.

 

Where once my legs were the force I could rely on, their strength now pales in comparison to my upper body strength… and I’m not gonna lie, that’s hard to take.

 

  1. You’re Gonna Still Feel Like You Should be Able to do The Things You Once Did, And Will Feel Like a Wuss for Failing:

 

There are so many times these days that I go to lift something that originally was barely even noticeable, only to find me having to put it down 4 steps later lest your legs collapse underneath you. And you mentally kick yourself for it.

 

Because you know “It’s not heavy” that “This isn’t hard.” that “If I just push myself I could do it.” But that’s your muscle memory talking… not your body.

 

I honestly thought that if you suddenly lost half your strength, trying to lift 25lbs would just feel like lifting 50lbs did. But that’s not the way it works. 25lbs, still feels like 25lbs, but your body will NOT carry it long before screaming at you for being an idiot trying to carry it across the yard.

 

  1. The Pain is Not the Worst Part:

 

People don’t like pain… I have come to discover this… I don’t like pain… this is why, when I discovered people don’t normally live in chronic pain 24/7 I felt kinda jipped/furious! But the fear of pain will always be worse than pain itself.

 

If you live in pain long enough, your body will start to try and mask it out. On a lower level this works fairly well… you may notice you have less headaches if you take a painkiller instead of having your body try and compensate (though you will instantly regret that decision once the painkiller wears off) but when the pain grows to certain levels, it turns into a maddening numbness.

 

If you have ever pulled an all-nighter, you may know what this feeling is like. It essentially feels like your brain is too big for your skull. Like the parts of your body are layered on top of you vs actually being a part of you. This mixed with the feeling like your body is honestly hollow (Like mentioned above) creates this very surreal and rather unpleasant feeling that honestly, I would rather live without.

 

The worst part of all though, is when your body just “Gives out.” it’s not that you’re tired. It’s not that you notice your muscles aching because you’re pumping so much stinking adrenaline… but you’ll be walking along and suddenly *BAM* it just tries to collapse under you. You try to pick yourself up again only to find it doesn’t work… it is such a helpless feeling and honestly you feel ridiculously vulnerable during it. It is hard to take.

 

  1. There Really is a Bias About Guys and Manual Labor:

 

This one’s gonna get me in trouble… but I’m sorry… it’s real. And it’s frustrating. The amount of times people look at you like you’re the scum of the earth because you can’t be the uber strong guy doing uber strong things is ridiculous!

Not wanting to touch on this too long because I feel the angry mob forming outside with every word I type, but all I can say is this… the same way it’s frustrating for a girl to be told they can’t do ____ physical job, it’s frustrating to be told they’d rather not hire guys for _____ mental job. I mean I have a diploma in business, am acing a BA in business, taught myself to hold a basic conversation in Japanese, am teaching myself programming, write essay length Facebook statuses on rather advanced topics that was asked to be turned into a blog (check out www.macyaks.wordpress.com for shameless plug), can write professional business letters off the top of my head, am able to manipulate large amounts of variables in my head at one time, basically think in Gant charts, am a certified Excel Specialist, and more! I have abilities! Please stop judging my worth by how many heavy boxes I can move in how short a time!

 

  1. There are Many Ways to Keep Moving:

 

Life changes… you find yourself struggling to do things that you couldn’t do before. You’ll find it hard to carry down your laundry, to carry in your groceries, to drive for long periods of time, walk on uneven ground… there are so many things that change so quickly… but that doesn’t mean you just roll over and die.

There are many ways to move forward. If you can’t push past something, look for a way to work around it. Put it on wheels. Go down one step at a time. Cruise Control is an amazing invention. Park benches are as well. You may have to give more thought, but you don’t have to give up!

 

  1. It is Alright to Admit It Hurts:

 

This is one of the hardest parts for me. It’s one I’ve struggled with for a long time. However, reading through life stories and testimonies of people suffering from EDS I’ve come to realize I’m really not alone on this.

 

It is alright to say you hurt…. in fact, if you don’t say you hurt, no one is going to know.

 

Some people will roll your eyes. Others may try to tactfully trick you into “Growing up.” but realize these people can’t live in your body. Nor can you live in theirs. We can say “I’m in pain.” but what does pain feel like? Do we all feel it the same way? Are we all used to the same level?

 

The concept that someone can live with a distracting level of throbbing/stabbing pain in multiple parts of their body 24/7 without having a visible injury or doctor’s note saying “Their bones are broken.” is ludicrous to some people. Their bodies have never worked that way…

 

But the thing is, if they just continue believing your body feels as healthy as theirs is, you’re just going to frustrate and confuse them when they wonder why you can’t keep up with the same activities they do.

 

Admit it’s hard for you. If they can’t accept that from you, they would’ve never accepted you in the first place.

 

  1. You Will Get MANY Mixed Reactions:

 

We live in a world of polarized extremes. “Invisible Disabilities” seems to be a word that drives people to their respective pitchforks and torches.

 

Half the people you talk to will cry out “You need to go to your government! And demand that they give you supplements! You need support workers! And medication! And we will rally with signs to protest for you! (which not gonna lie is kind of encouraging to have people fight so hard for you… even if in some cases it’s more they want to have a cause to get behind)

 

The other half will cry out about how “Kids these days are such wusses! You just need to get out and exercise! Get desperate! Light a fire under you backside and put your nose to the grindstone! Then things will look up! You just haven’t really tried yet!” (and admittedly there are times you want to slap these people upside the head and yell “IF EFFORT WAS THE PROBLEM THEN YOU GUYS WOULD BE FAILING MORE THAN I AM RIGHT NOW!” but honestly, they do mean well, and there are a bunch of people taking advantage of the system, but ya… tact people, tact)

 

The truth though is… you are what you are… they are what they are… people will either accept that or not accept that, but reality is reality…. Keep fighting to give your best, not to keep up with them, but because that’s how we grow as human beings! You are neither entitled to an easier life than most, nor condemned to a miserable one trying to keep up with others.

 

  1. Your Best is Good Enough…. (But it Will Rarely Feel Like It!):

 

You hear it a lot these days: “Just give your best! Don’t worry about the results! Just keep giving it your all and realize that things will always work out for someone who gives their best! Great things happen for those who give their best! You can accomplish anything if you only give your best!”

 

But here’s the thing… Just because you give your best… doesn’t mean you’ll hit the standard…

 

No matter how hard you try, a failing grade is still a failing grade

No matter how hard you try, if you go broke you go broke

No matter how hard you try, if you’re unemployed, you’re unemployed

No matter how hard you try, if you can’t afford food you starve

 

There is a reality that people rarely talk about… either the people who write these posts are lucky enough to never reach those points of worry, or they just try not to think about these parts. But these problems nag at you. And all the inspirational speeches in the world can’t compete with the frustrations you feel.

 

But here’s the thing. You’re still growing! You may not be able to deal with the threats that are stressing you out right now. But you are still growing! You’re growing wiser! You’re growing stronger! You’re growing more compassionate! Don’t underestimate what you’re earning through these times!

 

Our life experiences may not always be pleasant… they may be painful, and they may feel like we can’t get what we want. But if you just throw these moments away as “Wasting your life.” That is all you’ll have…. Years of your life that you’ve just thrown away, when you’ve learned so much through that time that WILL help you for years in the future! Don’t underestimate the value of what you’ve learned!

 

  1. God’s Still in Control:

 

You’re not here to please others. You’re not here to acquire great wealth or power. You’re not even here to survive as long as you can manage. These are not the keys to your success or failure! You are here to serve God and go where He leads. You are here to see the amazing things He can do through you.

 

Once again, this is a touchy subject because of the divide. Beyond the “Religion/IHATERELIGION” sides which seem to be growing more and more volatile these days, there is also, within the church the “God will give you everything/God wants you to provide for yourself.” Sides which grow further and further apart ever spurned by their fear of the other.

 

God will provide for you… I cannot begin to point out how many verses in the Bible point this out. Even the parable of the talents that many like to turn to as to say “LOOK! GOD WANTS US TO TAKE CHARGE AND MAKE OUR OWN WAY!” ….let me point out, that

  1. a) They did not “earn” money, they invested it
  2. b) The servant was not scolded for not earning money, he was scolded for doing nothing with his talent
  3. c) God was the one who gave them the talents in the first place, not them.

 

God will provide for us. God WANTS us to rely on Him. This is not to say, “Oh just C’est la Vie! Life will do what life will do, but God will save my butt no matter what I do!” no… the Bible is also very clear that that is ALSO not right…. But stop beating yourself up over what you will eat and where you will sleep… God literally says that He’s got that covered. (Full disclosure: I rarely sleep or eat for fear of these two so I am not condemning you as weak if you are worried about it, just reminding you of what’s promised.)

 

But realize as well, that God providing doesn’t mean He’ll prepare the path YOU want… in fact it usually means the reverse of that.

 

We like our control. Well… let’s be honest, I’ve never met a human in my life who is truly in control of their life so… we like our ILLUSION of control. Whether we’re being led by our emotions, our desires, our fears, or our idols, we like to believe we are the ones taking charge of our lives and plowing the way.

 

God doesn’t beat around the bush. He isn’t here to give you freedom and power to make your dreams come true. He is here to lead you down the path He has in store for you and grow closer in relationship with you in order to show you the good He can do through you as well as how much your dreams PALED in comparison to His reality!

Though the road may be scary. Though you may lose things you thought you could not do without. Realize He’s got you and He’s still looking out for you!

Don’t run off the road when things look scariest and you want to grab the wheel and run for where you think looks safest… those are the times you need to rely on Him most! Don’t make a dark situation even worse! He doesn’t just want to make you happy, He wants to make you mighty! He made you, He knows you, He loves you. TRUST!

 

  1. You Haven’t Lost Until You Give Up!

 

I used to say “You haven’t lost until you’re dead.” But this isn’t entirely true… There are many who did not succeed until after they died.

 

Don’t give up. The moment you do, it’s all over. But as long as you keep fighting, there’s still a chance you’ll succeed!

 

You’ve come too far to give up! We are far too limited in our perspective of the here and now to see just how the present will be used in the future… but nothing is wasted. No effort is useless. No life accomplishes nothing.

You are strong.

You are influential.

You’ve got this!

Hang in there