I Blinked…

I was driving along the 400 a few days ago, when all of a sudden a car appeared right in front of me, clearly not aware (or caring) that I existed.
 
Now thankfully, I grew up in the city, and therefore was pretty used to such homicidal driving styles, and as such, was able to slow down, even on icy snow, enough to not get a newly reshaped front bumper… but I had to ask myself, “How did he appear out of nowhere?” and then it dawned on me…
 
I blinked…
 
Now, a normal person would have just left it there, but anyone who knows me should realize, that I am most definitely not normal… so it really got me thinking….
 
I blinked…
 
See, people know about blind spots…. They know we have areas we are naive and unwise in… we invest millions in technology and training to minimize the effects of those blind spots (much like how we install mirrors on the sides of our car and train ourselves to look way back before turning so we can keep an eye on our blindspots) but that doesn’t change the fact that….
 
We blink….
 
This usually doesn’t affect us much. It’s usually something we don’t have to pay much attention to. After all, we usually only blink for a second, and we can usually catch ourselves afterwards pretty quickly… but as any gamer can tell you…. a lot can happen in the fraction of a second…
 
and so we blink….
 
we miss stuff… we get blindsided by things… We make incorrect assumptions due to corrupted observations. It’s not always bias. It’s not always pride. It’s not always incompetence, laziness, stupidity… sometimes…
 
We just blink…
 
I think this is important to realize. ESPECIALLY in today’s modern age. I see so many people running themselves into the ground with anxiety. They have to micromanage every aspect of their children’s lives or their children will rebel! They have to micromanage every part of their finances or they will be blindsided by debt. They have to micromanage every calorie of their health, or else they’ll end up overweight, sick, and dying of cancer…. but here’s the thing…
 
You can learn every technique, manage every detail, download every app, buy every fitbit, protein shake, gross kale combination, and non-everything recipe book you can find… but at the end of the day….
 
You blink….
 
You can manage your health as well as you can, but then one accident will send you down a rabbit hole of slow recoveries and missed medical issues because….
 
you blinked…
 
You can save every penny. Squeeze 50 cents out of every nickel, live as frugally as you can… but then one lost job and bad economy later, you find yourself having anxiety attacks every bill you get, because…
 
You blinked…
 
You can focus on “Fixing every mistake your parents made with you.” Read every pinterest article. Be the most empowering parent you can possibly be giving your children every frivolity and experience you feel you lacked in life, yet still have them rebel against you and say they hate you when they hit teenagehood because while you were focused on what to do you missed that….
 
You blinked…
 
You can do every thing you can imagine. And study further to learn things you couldn’t imagine… but no matter how responsible, strong, or mature you may become…. you will never be able to fix the fact that you are human…
 
You will blink…
 
And that’s why we can’t take the stress and strain of the results of our lives on our own shoulders. We were never designed to be able to handle such a vast and broad thing. Our perspective is tiny and limited. No matter how much experience we gain, we will never be able to grasp every detail we need to to know what the result will be.
 
But that’s okay. Because God knows that we are weak. He made us this way. God never asks us to “Make this happen.” God tells us what He’ll do through us and asks us to trust Him enough to follow Him as He does it…. And it’s hard… and it’s scary…. I write this honestly not knowing if I even have a future worth seeing…. In all honesty, if I was to carry it all on my shoulders there would be no point… I am way too small and far too many of my plans have fallen short by this point… but I’m going to keep following, and I’m going to keep trusting…
 
Even though I can’t say I feel it every day… God is with me… I may not see any freedom… but I would not have lasted this long without Him… It is honestly one of the hardest lessons to learn…. but at the end of the day I give me best… that is all I am ABLE to give… Sure, I’ll look back, and there will be things I SHOULD have done differently. I’ll see things I was dumb on. See things I could have avoided… I already do… but as I’ve kept saying…
 
I blink….
 
So I’m not going to rely on my eyes which blink. I’m not going to rely on my ears that misshear. I’m not going to trust my sense of touch that can go numb…. I’m going to trust God, who says to keep moving forward and trust in Him… because if I do that, the results are His, and it doesn’t matter if…
 
I blink
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In His Hands

You know… when I really think about it, there’s absolutely no difference between living a life of comfort and ease, and living a life where every day is a battle and any moment everything could fall apart.
 
No matter how rich, powerful, or well off you are, God could wipe you out in but a single word. No matter how weak, broken, or destitute you are, God could raise you up just as easily.
 
Whether we have freedom or captivity, our hope for the future remains the same. For it was never on our abilities that we were to rise or fall… But by the hand of God.
 
So do not take pride in your standing, and think “I did good and now I am safe to do what I want”…. even though it is easy to do so.
 
Do not despair and say “God save me! I am going to drown!” Even though it is so very hard not to.
 
Your situation hasn’t changed. Your potential hasn’t changed. Your future hasn’t changed. You were, are, and forever will be in God’s hands, whether you follow Him or not. Find comfort and humility in that.
 
Amen

Follow Him

Why is this world so scary?
 
Why do we hold so much fear?
 
What job will we have?
What will they think of us?
Will I get in trouble for this?
Will this work?
Will I have enough money to pay my bills this month?
Will I end up on the streets?
Will I lose everything I own?
Will I go bankrupt?
Will I live my life single?
Will they be offended?
Will they be disappointed in me?
Will they scold me again?
Will I lose support?
What if I get sick?
What if another emergency comes up?
 
We take worry after worry upon ourselves. We lose sleep and energy over obsessing over them. We go to great lengths to knock out as many threats as we can… but to what end?
 
You can give life your best to the point of exhaustion and depression, but if God so wills in, you will be accused of being a slacker.
 
You can apply to thousands of jobs, with a perfect resume, and wonderfully supported cover letter, but if God so wills it you will continue being overlooked and picked over for people with better smiles
 
You can be supportive and wise, but unless it’s the time God permits, you will only ever be considered “Just a friend.”
 
You can search the wisest people for direction and advice, but unless God inspires them, they will just tell you what you’ve already known and have already been working on as if it is the “Save all Answer”
 
You can live like a monk and save what pennies you can, but unless God protects you, all it takes is one scam, one unexpected crisis, and you’ll find yourself even deeper in the hole.
 
You can obsess over self care, taking all sorts of medicines, avoiding things you’re weak at, and exercising to grow stronger, but unless God watches over you, in three seconds you can have an accident that will ruin everything.
 
We are not on this earth to please others. We are not on this earth to protect/provide for ourselves. We are not on this earth to show the best business practices, wisest lifestyle choices, or best relationship advice.
 
We are here to follow God where He leads. To show what He can do through us. To show how He defies all logic. How to the world His logic is madness, but to Him their wisdom is meaningless.
 
At the end of the day, do not worry about the hundreds of thousands of people you must keep happy in order to follow God. In the end you are only responsible for following Him. If people get angry at you, it is because He let that happen in your life. If you go through loss, it’s because He let it happen. But do not be sidetracked trying to appease the many voices that come at you from all sides. Focus only on following God! He is able to restore all that you have lost and more. He is able to protect you no matter where you go. He is able to provide for you, no matter what you have. He can do more with nothing than you could do with everything.
 
Follow Him so you can have no shame. No matter what others say. No matter how they misinterpret you. No matter how they judge you from your state of life, not what you are doing. Realize God is the judge. God is the provider. That there is nothing you can accomplish without Him. So cling to Him, follow Him. Trust in Him
 
Amen

Societal Forces

(Originally from Twitter which is why it’s an odd format)

Society is maintained through balance, and Balance is maintained through two conflicting forces that have obtained equilibrium.
 
As hard as you push for your ideal, there will be someone who pushes back equally. No matter how hard you pull, the same will result
 
There have never been “Winners and Losers” in this world, Only temporary imbalances. No matter which side loses, resistance will return
 
We judge our struggle by the pain we feel. We judge others’ by the pain we assume they have. But no one can know what another feels. No one even really knows what WE ourselves feel. We only have assumptions based on the trial and error of our lives and wisdom from others.
 
So what is the answer? Should we give up pushing and pulling altogether? Well… that would be impossible.
 
Even if you lived your life without ideals for your direction, that in itself would be the ideal with your direction.
 
The greatest pushers of our age are those who say you shouldn’t push. The greatest pullers are those who say pulling destroys
 
You cannot have no impact at all on this world. You cannot know what the other side feels or acts. So what can you do?
 
As I said… there is balance. As hard as you push or pull, you will only be met back with equal resistance.
 
To focus on one force alone will only keep growing until you are finally overwhelmed. But a balance between the two, may have potential
 
Pull too hard and you give up what you stand for. Push too hard and you will live and die alone. Do both equally and see what happens
 
If you have morals, live for them. Do not give them up to make others more comfortable. But don’t lock others out because they are not you
 
Do not give up who you are so you can fit in. Do not give up on others so they can fit you.
 
There IS right and wrong in this world. There ARE things people do that hurt others. But you can advise others, not control them
 
Do not be frustrated by the lack of control over others when you cannot control yourself! Do not fight others when you cannot fight yourself
 
Most important, consider no life a virus or a waste. Even those who offend you to your core. Their actions and beliefs are not what they are
 
At the end of it all, we are all people. We will be right on some things and wrong on others.
 
No life is devoted to ruining yours. They are devoted to living life the best that they can, even if they are wrong,they are trying like you
 
Stand strong. Accept generously. Live as an example, not as a crusade! /endrant

Distracting Desires?

There is a very strange belief in our world today, that we serve a God who created us with wants and desires (or that he created us and then was appalled to find one day we had developed wants and desires) and that he then demands us to ignore everything we want simply to appease His will. The more I think of this… the more I think this is a question of relativity than a question of cruelty.

This universe has constant… what is good is good, what is bad is bad. However, as humans, our interpretation of the world is very limited by the few parts of it we are able to observe.

To put it simply… there are things I want in life… and there are things I think I want…. What I want is a feeling… one that I’ve tried to find all my life… what I think I want is my current interpretation of that feeling based on how close to it I have been able to get.

When I was a kid it was simple and reactionary… as I grew… that opinion has grown… become more detailed… There are many things that come close to the feeling I am looking for. But looking back I realize how shallow and far most of them were.

I do not believe we serve a God who demands us to suffer to appease Him. Such a God would be in contradiction to everything said about Him. I think we serve a God who wants us to enjoy The world He created as much as He enjoys us His creation… and as such He doesn’t want to settle for shallow feelings when (even though we may be experiencing the greatest feeling we ever have) it pales in comparison to what he holds for us in the future.

I don’t believe God WANTS us to suffer… though there are some who disagree with me and believe He does so He can show how strong He is through us and through the suffering…. I think suffering and emptiness come from 2 reasons…

1. The consequence of not following what He tells us of. And I don’t mean as a divine slap on the wrist… I mean God gave us rules not so He could enforce them but to protect us from the result of going other ways. If you run out in the road as a kid and get hit by a car… it is not because your parents are angry at you. It’s because you disobeyed the instruction they gave to keep you safe!

2. To help us grow closer to Him…. I think pain and suffering DOES make us stronger. But I think it is only supposed to last for a season. A time to draw us closer to Him. To realize our own weakness. To begin to understand His strength. To become sensitive and caring to those who hurt around us. Hard times teach us quite a lot…. but I do not think this means they are meant to last forever.

Now I will be honest… I do not write this out of knowing, for who can truly know and understand God??? In all honesty I haven’t hit that “Enjoyment of life” yet… nor do I know if anyone else has. I look at all that is wrong in life… I look at all that is breaking me from all sides…. I see how hard it is to see any kind of future before me…. and honestly it does make you wonder some times if what others say is true… that we really are just here to go through things we were not made for in order to show God’s strength…. But the more I read the bible, the stronger my faith grows that it can’t be this way.

Because GOD was the one who made us! God was the one who made us unique! God was the one who gave us desires even if sin warped them to convince us cheaper, easier to obtain knock offs would give us the same joy. That is why I have faith that God DOES give us these feelings, desires, differing strengths and weaknesses for a reason. Why I feel these aren’t just “Distractions we must learn to bury and ignore” but promises that God does know what we want and what we need.

We serve a God who loves us… and does all things for our good, not our harm. Have faith, Have strength, fight on!

Dimensional Questions

Hello Everyone!

Slightly different post this time in the fact that this was NOT originally from facebook. Nope! I didn’t think anyone on my facebook would find it interesting, but I do so I still wanted to write it which made me think “…wait… don’t I have a blog for this stuff?”

Today we are going to delve into SCIENCE!… kind of… Before we start I just wanted to point out that I am NOT a “Real Scientist.” I have not gone to school for science save for aerodynamics, and basic physics, I am just a highly sensitive person/HSP (Person who’s senses are on overdrive allowing me to see, hear, smell, feel, and all around ‘notice’ numerous things at once, a lot of which no one else can notice such as high frequency noises, differentiations in similar smells, tiny bugs and grains of sand moving several meters away, tiny vibrations, electricity running through wires, air pressure, etc) who has spent most of his life testing his observations and making assumptions based on them. (Which in my opinion IS what science is supposed to be…. but people get angry if you don’t have the degree to back it up so I’m pointing this out now.) In addition it should be noted that I do NOT differentiate between theology, philosophy, psychology, and other sciences…. We live in one world so why would these things NOT be connected in some way??

OKAY! Long old disclaimers out of the way. Onto the fun part!

SPACE TIME AND PERSONALITIES!

Anyone who has read my past posts have probably realized I like to ponder and obsess over the concepts of “Identity” and “Who/What/Where we are.”. While I do not think this is something we as humans can fully understand (As one of the more theoretical rules of reality is something cannot fully comprehend something equal or greater to itself), I DO think it is important to address as majority of our modern day questions of morals, theology, psychology, medical science, and politics very often boil down to this point.

When is something “human”? Are we thoughts or chemical reactions? Do we have any control over ourselves or is control simply an illusion? Are our instincts and carnal desires to be trusted or condemned?

All these and more all really boil down to the same fundamental question… Where and what are our identities??

If you’ve REALLY read my other posts, you have seen me discuss my theories that our personalities are tied to, yet not confined to our physical bodies… kind of like…. emotional hand puppets made of meat and matter….

Now when I’ve explained this in the past, I’ve used the example of dimensions.

The first dimension is essentially a straight line. ____________________ It goes back and forth for infinity but it has no up and down.

Add in the second dimension and we have the cartesian plane + which is essentially the realm of every drawing we’ve ever seen. While we can “mimic” the 3rd dimension in the second, it is always an illusion which seems to pale to the real thing.

Then we have the third Dimension. Space… where we live right now… This is back and forth, up and down, and in and out. That’s right. We have depth. And we are thankful for it save for when I try on swimsuits!

Now in my theory, majority of our ability to OBSERVE is about 90% bound to the 3rd dimension as that is the dimension where the body parts WHICH observe are located… but in my theory, the dimensions don’t stop there.

Fourth dimension. Emotions, feelings, thoughts. THIS would be where “WE” are. Where we control our bodies. What changes as we grow and experience new things. What we fight with when we insult, heal with when we encourage, duel with when we debate. This is effected by our 3rd dimensional physical forms, but not tied to them. Much like a 3rd dimensional person is at all times within the second dimension (think about when you trace your hand on a piece of paper) but the second dimension cannot contain us.

Now my theory goes on for a fifth dimension, angels and demons, sixth dimension, time, and eventually working your way up to the top dimension of God. But to start us off I’m going to limit us to the 4th dimension as it can be a bit mind boggling in itself.

So why do I think this? I mean isn’t it crazy? Aren’t we just a bunch of information processing machines that are reacting and adapting to a series of stimuli and making physical adaptions at a subconscious level?

Well aside from how that in itself kind of proves my point…. There are several reasons I have trouble accepting that.

1. We have free will, even if we don’t have strong will.

People get hurt,  emotionally and physically. People get thrown into circumstances. People have urges both carnal and moral… yet we also have the ability to debate with ourselves and decide which one we follow. We are not machines, programmed to react to certain situations. Even if our physical form can limit how we express our thoughts, how EASY or HARD it is to think, or what amount of other temptations there are… the fact that we can still think, shows there is something beyond our physical thoughts or moral memorizations to guide our actions.

2. Emotional Pain and the Effects on the Body.

“Sticks and Stones may hurt my bones, but words will never hurt me!” ….it’s a lie….. We all know it’s a lie. Words hurt. They can make us physically ill. They can make us feel like we’re stabbed. Give headaches. Our body madly adjusts to fix things that aren’t broken… but our “heart” is…. How can this happen? How can something not physical create such a reaction within us? How can NON physical interaction scar us? Well what if there is something beyond physical that is getting scarred?

3. The Internet!

We live in an interesting era. We can talk with people around the world without leaving our couch. We can build close bonds with people we’ve never seen. But that in itself raises questions. These bonds are real. I can tell when my friends are happy, sad, angry. I can tell who they are, what they stand for. I am emotionally and physically affected by my interactions with them…. How can I do that with someone I’ve never interacted with physically? Who I can’t even see when they’re talking to me?? There’s something else interacting there. Something which can override the limitations of physical space itself (yet still can’t give hugs… come on technology! Get on that!)

Okay. So there is something of us. Call it soul, spirit, will, personality, whatever you want. But there is SOMETHING beyond the physical realm which appears to be affecting our physical realm. Something more complicated than simple information we memorize and store. The ability to process and more importantly, react to information in a personable level. Sentience. Personality. It’s there. But how?

Believe it or not this is not too far from where science is already headed. To explain, I will head to our friend, the black hole.

Black holes were long considered to be incredibly dense vacuums which sucked everything into them crushing them to oblivion even though matter cannot be created or destroyed. That being said. As we begin to understand gravity better, our opinion of black holes has changed.

We have long since believed the fabric of space time is not just flat… In fact, most scientists draw space time as a series of ripples  and waves. A better example maybe would be the fact of warp speed in sci fi, which is not so much going super fast, but bending the fabric of space around it to change the distance you travel.

Too confusing and what does this have to do with gravity? Okay let’s try it this way.

Take your old spandex jump suit…. if you have one I worry for you. Spandex is stretchy and boingy. Stretch it out so that its hovering in mid air. Stretching stretchy things is fun! Now place a rock in the center of it. See how the rock bends it down? If you had this standing perfectly still, and threw a marble across it, the marble wouldn’t go straight. It’s path would be bent by the weight of the rock and start to go around it. Star to “Orbit” it! (see where I’m going with this?)

Things in existence have mass. Planets have mass, stars have mass, and yes. Black holes have a LOT of mass. Black holes have so much mass in fact that the current theory is that they actually bend space time so much that they break  it! That the reason why they are so black, isn’t because light cannot escape it, but because they are out of physical space and time itself. They don’t exist.. but always exist… BECAUSE TIMEY WHIMEY STUFF!

Now how does this apply to dimensions…. Well as we just said… space has a shape. And black holes bend that shape to the point of breaking. Now here is the thing about shape. In order for something to have a form, that form must be within something itself. Essentially, if you can fall OUT of space… there must be some plane of existence outSIDE of space within which that shape is being manipulated.

THIS would be the 4th dimension.

Okay, I am way overtime on my writing time on this. But that is the basics. If you have any questions or theories yourself, write them in the comments below and I’ll try my best to answer them! Thanks for listening and like all things in science realize this.

THIS is NOT truth…. It’s not a lie either…. at least not intentionally one. It is simply my observations and conclusions drawn from them. Just like any scientific theory or discovery since the dawn of time has been other scientists trying to create as logical of answers as they can from what they can see. But we are human beings. We are small. We are limited. We cannot observe everything out there let alone understand it, so this therefore, is highly unlikely to be 100% true. But it still has value. As it suggests a direction. And it’s from travelling down that direction that we start to see if it works or not. As that is what science is and what science does. Anyways, hope you enjoyed this little ride! Space/time theory takes a few tries to wrap your head around, but once you do it opens up a LOT of possibilities!

Have a good one!

Mac out!

What is a Person?

What is a person?
 
Why do I ask this time and time again?? Because honestly… a lot of our current issues and mistakes boils down to this question. What we are, what we aren’t. What we can change, what we can’t. What we’re in control of what we can’t. Are we blank slates? Are we preset? Are we instinctual creatures controlled only by our chemical makeup and carnal desires? Or are we dynamic and sentient beings who are born with temptations and shortcomings yet gifted the ability and responsibility to fight through them?
 
There are many questions which tie to this question…
 
I think the biggest mistake we make in the world today is focusing too much on peoples’ actions… and why not? For most people it is the most we can see. What a person decides on says a lot about their strengths and weaknesses (though even then, we can only see the outcome and not the intentions behind it). But are we really something as simplistic as a series of actions? Do we make choices? Or do choices make us?
 
We judge people by their end. If someone dies a hero, then everything they did was golden. If someone dies a tyrant, then everything they did should never be spoken of. We can claim someone created something beautiful until they do something we disagree with. Then they were making corrupt and horrid things all their lives and we bury our past enjoyments where no one can see that we ever touched them.
 
On the other side of this spectrum, we feel temptations and lose battles ourselves. We end up deciding there is no use fighting as this is who we are. That there’s no future for us because we were just born a certain way. That there’s no path ahead because the one path shown to us won’t hold us. But are we really such simple things??
 
If we are made of our actions than our decisions mean nothing. What’s the point of struggling over something? You’re only going to answer a certain way because that is who you are.
 
Now some may argue that “Struggling over something is part of who you are that will affect the actions you take! So just giving up is not being true to your real self!” as well they should. But the thing is that if there is more than one kind of action we can take, then we are obviously more than the actions we decide on.
 
People change over time. We find new passions. Hobbies. We get influenced by different things which affects our outlook on this world. Our bodies change, through growth, sickness, and tragic loss. There are many things that affect what direction we may be headed currently… yet there is always something that keeps us “us”.
 
I have moved around a lot growing up, and have met many people over many years from around the world. Some are there for a minute, and then are gone for good. Others stay around from time to time. And then there are some who disappear for decades only to be reconnected at the strangest of times.
 
Of the last type, they often come back having gone through all sorts of trials, changed outlooks. Some have changed beliefs, others life purposes. Many do things they would NEVER have done back when I knew them or would have even condemned others for doing……. So why is it then that they are always so easily recognizable? Why is it that no matter how much they change, (and believe me, many have changed IMMENSELY emotionally, spiritually, and physically) Why is it then that there is always something at the core of who they are that makes you think “That is totally _____….”
 
There is something more to people than actions, decisions, and beliefs. Something unique to each of us, yet something we all have. We decide on actions. We mull over decisions. We grow in our beliefs. But there is something at the core of who we are that allows us to face said questions and mull over the possibilities. Something beyond the physical realm as substance abuse, hormonal dabbling, mental degradation, or general growth does not affect it. Something beyond our mental selves as growth in knowledge, change in beliefs, and bitterness or empathy does not corrupt it… call it spirit, soul, or poppycock. There is something there. Some core to who we are… What we are… Something that makes us all unique yet somehow does not put some of us at an advantage or disadvantage from others. To know what that is makes it far easier to not be bogged down with the distractions of who did what and speculation… because it lets you realize we are all people… all with the potential for good and for bad. Yet all desperately in need of the one who can lead us on.
 
We are all unique, yet all the same. All strong yet all dependent. It is a beautiful paradox to be sure