Futility of Faults

Don’t waste your time on blame and fault.

 
In this life:
-There will be those who hurt you
-There will be those who accuse you of the wrong things
-There will be those who contradict themselves obviously
-There will be times you feel offended
 

And you most likely will do all these to the others as well.

 
Don’t get me wrong. There is most definitely a “Right” and a “Wrong” in this world; and there is benefit to looking over past actions for ways to improve in the future… but tell me; Is anyone wrong for the sake of being wrong?
 
We have this nasty habit of judging people’s and our own intentions by our actions. That’s not the way it works.
 
People are logically illogical. No matter how ludicrous their actions may seem. No matter how many people they blindly walked over to get to where they are. No matter how much they say “A=B and that’s why B will never = A!” the truth is, their actions are based on a logical assessment of what they accomplish vs what it costs. They may be sincerely wrong, but they are still sincere….
 
This is why so many arguments turn to flame wars in debates. We approach those we don’t agree with, not as people who have logical reasons for the choices they make clouded by their limited perspective we all share as human beings… but instead as “THOSE MONSTERS WHO HAVE PERSONALLY MADE IT THEIR LIFE’S PURPOSE TO DESTROY ME AND EVERYONE LIKE ME!” We like this philosophy. It makes us feel just, and powerful. It makes us feel like we have the right to attack in any way we so desire, after all these people are “evil”! …. this viewpoint is the most worthless waste of time we can pursue.
 
We are all people! We have differing views. We have differing backgrounds. We have differing talents and abilities. But we are all still people in the end. Do you react with a “Oh wow! I have seen the error of my ways! I shall think on this as I follow your advice.” when you are accused of being a demon, monster, or any other slur we toss so lightly at those we disagree with?? No! It makes us want to fight! To hold on tighter to our cause just to spite those rude people who have offended us!
 

So then why do we assume we will accomplish anything by throwing these slurs at others??

 
Again I will repeat this so as to not create any confusion:
-I am NOT saying that everyone is right and it doesn’t really matter. There is most DEFINITELY a true right and a true wrong in this world!
 
-I am NOT saying just let people do as they will, it doesn’t matter if they hurt others. No! There are consequences to our actions, and choosing poorly will hurt others.
 

But why do we assume intent from action? Why do we consider worth of the person via the successes and failures we recognize?

 
We aren’t people on a high peak looking down at the peons in the garbage pit. We’re all lost souls, treading water. Just because one may be clinging onto the lifeboat, doesn’t mean that they are superior to everyone else.
 
You can see faults in those around you that you yourself have dealt with. Good for you. Help them. Encourage them. Guide them, but also realize the choice is ultimately theirs. As frustrating as it can be, don’t look down on them if they don’t decide to follow you. Realize the immense amount of shortcomings you must have that YOU can’t or won’t see and deal with.
 

So then how can we know who’s valuable and who isn’t? Who’s mature and who’s immature? Who’s strong and who’s weak?

 
….News Flash…. We are all made in God’s image and loved by Him enough for Him to send His son to die for our sins…. I mean… there is absolutely nothing we could do to earn this worth. That’s why it’s called grace. Because it was given. What do you mean one may have earned more value than the other??? None of us have “earned” anything! We are all lost sinners but for grace. And because of grace we are all now precious and irreplaceable. Whether we choose to accept the gift or not doesn’t affect our value, only our fate.
 
Who’s mature? Is anyone mature? When I was a 5 year old they told me I was still young. When I was 10 they told me I was still young. When I was 20 again… I was still young… I have witnessed people in their 60’s being told “You are still young.” No matter how old you get. No matter how much you learn. You are still immature. There are still things for you to learn. You are human. You have blind spots. That will not change. If someone points out that you have areas you are weak in, that is not a bash to your value. It is just a fact of life. We all have areas we are weak in. Many times we think others have areas they’re weak in when really it is our own weakness blinding us. Do not judge others based on the maturity you can see.
 
Who is strong and who is weak? How can you determine strength? We often determine strength based on what we view ourselves being able to handle. This is a bad way to measure strength. Can a pencil consider a hammer to be strong because it can hammer in nails without breaking? Can a hammer consider a pencil to be strong because it can sacrifice itself to write papers that may topple nations or inspire generations? How can you compare strength by comparing the actions of things meant for different scenarios? It is not strength not to struggle. It is strength to push forward even when it is tough. It is not strength not to fail. It is strength to get back up again after failure. Strength is not something we are born with, it is something we choose to do. We are not strong or weak people. We choose in each moment if we will stand strong or give in to our weakness. And through each moment the challenge is brought to you, the choice is never any easier.
 
So people make choices based on what they logically believe is the most constructive to them. Not specifically to attack you.
 
So our worth is not based on our actions or existence or seeming lack of weaknesses.
 
So fighting against those we disagree with is unproductive because they are not illogical mindless demons bent on destroying everything we care about in spite of what activist articles may label them all
 
But what if they DO hurt us! What then??? What can we do to protect ourselves?? How can we stay safe?!?!
 
Do you believe in God?
(If no, then I’m sorry… for many reasons, but mostly because there is only so far I can encourage through a logical argument without going straight to the core of all logic itself)
 
If you do believe in God, do you believe He truly cares for us like He said He does? That He is as all powerful as He says He is? That He is all that He says He is?
 
No… I’m not going to say “then He will protect you from the evil ones.” because that’s not the point. And let’s admit it, He won’t stop all the hits from coming. How much have Christians suffered in the past? We’ve been burnt on stakes for entertainment, fed to wild animals, executed in every manner of the way, manipulated by those who wanted power and wealth, been turned into the scape goats for all the worlds’ problems often caused by actions we warned them against taking in the first place….
 

In Life You Will Get Hurt!

 
But here’s the thing… God is still in control…
 
God blinds the eyes of who He wishes, opens the eyes of who He wishes, hardens the hearts of who He wishes, lets rise into power who He wishes, tears down from power who He wishes. Whether the people in question follow Him or not, He can still use it to His plan.
 
If you truly believe God is all He says He is, then realize, when someone comes up you’d rather not deal with. God let that person appear. And God would only do that to help you grow. Perhaps to reveal sin and weakness in your own life, perhaps to help you build endurance, perhaps to give you an example of how you should never act when you are in the place of your offender.
 
Realize these are not trials… but opportunities. Opportunities to grow. Opportunities to learn. Is God punishing you for not being perfect? He never thought you were. Are you letting God down by not being strong enough? You were never holding Him up.

 

Breathe
 
Relax
 
learn
 
Grow
 

Have faith and know. He is in control.

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50 More General Observations

Random Observations From Life:

 
1. People (much like anything in physics) will most often take the path of least resistance, whether mentally, physically, or spiritually.
 
2. All living creatures have instincts, (innate propensity to take certain actions/feel certain things) the ability to go against said instincts is one of the foundational factors in sentience.
 
3. An item that saves the lives of millions or adds 20+ years to your life will probably never have the funding or acceptance as a device that shaves 30 seconds off a repetitive task.
 
4. Failure is not an end. It is a state of being. The sooner you become accepting of failure, the farther you go.
 
5. Success has negatives. It risks us becoming stagnant, no longer desiring to push our limits.
 
6. The fact that people believe “If it was possible, it would have already been done” is possibly the greatest reason it may still be possible.
 
7. There are few things more powerful than the desire and appreciation for taking “One More Step.”
 
8. You don’t need to be the best to be successful. You just need to be better than those you sell to have access to.
 
9. There are no rules in life. There are choices and consequences, (one of which being the consequences for the choice of not following the rules set in place by others).
 
10. Punishments are set in place to encourage you to follow the rules and are only as valuable as the respect/fear for the governing body outweighs the desire of the person making the actions. Consequences are unavoidable results of choices. It doesn’t matter if consequences seem unjust, they’re just consequences!
 
11. If you study for 3 months and only get 5/100 questions right on the test…. those are still 5 answers you would never have known if you hadn’t tried.
 
12. The only way to “Waste time” is to toss aside the lessons you learned through the process by calling that season “a waste of time”
 
13. People gain success by bringing something unique to the world and persevering and readjusting until it worked. People CHASE success by trying to copy everything successful people did and expecting immediate results… People rarely realize the irony of this.
 
14. There is literally no purpose to worrying, yet it feels like we are horrible irresponsible people if we don’t. But what has worry gotten you? Has it made you more efficient? Made problems go away? All it accomplishes is wasting your energy and focus giving you more unfinished projects to worry about in the future.
 
15. Your life never ends till your dead…. You may fail at your job, lose your lover, lose your job, have your parents hate you, have the world spread bad rumors about you, end up on the street, get an incurable disease, the works…. but until you’re dead your life is not over.
 
16. Life is not a series of levels/chapters you win or lose… it’s more like skydiving… and dodging rocks as you fall…
 
17. There is no such thing as a “professional” place. Even the largest companies, once you’re inside them you realize they’re a bunch of bumbling people who have no idea what they’re doing and are pushing things out barely finished.
 
18. See where you are.. not as an end result or as a limit to where you could possibly end up, but as an accurate representation of what you can currently do and what you are currently limited to.
 
19. Know where you want to go. Not as what you are going to do right now, but as a trajectory you can aim towards.
 
20. Know what you live for. Ask yourself “If I could be remembered for one thing in life, what would it be?” It will be vague and not very practical, but that will define what most the choices you make will revolve around.
 
21. There is no such thing as evil. Evil is simply the absence of good much like darkness is the absence of light or silence is the absence of sound.
 
22. No one does evil for the sake of doing evil. There is always a logical (even if wrong) justification for every action someone takes.
 
23. Identifying the logical justification allows one to more tactfully handle the emotional, and often harmful response from people
 
24. You can never save anyone by fighting. You may be able to protect someone temporarily, but hate only begets more hate. The harder you push one opposing force, the harder that opposing force will push back.
 
25. 90% of being good in an emergency is learning not to panic/worry/react either from immediate pressures or long term pressures
 
26. A powerful lie does not counter the truth, but warps it. It is far more effective to redirect than to fight against the flow.
 
27. Nothing in life can be proven absolutely. (no not even that statement) Our concept of “proof” is limited by our small perspective.
 
28. The foundation of wisdom is realizing and accepting you don’t know
 
29. The concept that life is on rails, (go to school, get a job, get raises, get married, have kids, retire, die) is an illusion that is starting to fail along with society. Life is not on rails, nor is there a train that will safely take you to your destination. Life is wandering the wilderness on a trajectory towards your goal. There are innumerable ways to get there.
 
30. The more you accomplish, the more people will be attracted to you and the lonelier you will feel.
 
31. You’d be surprised how few people will stop or question you if you are confident enough…
 
32. People’s perception of “Successful shining examples of humanity.” is usually pretty off the mark… want proof? Look up pictures of the start ups of some of the most successful people. They often look like the most awkward nerds who live at home, are unemployed, and don’t get invited to dinner parties.
 
33. “Getting money” is a pointless goal. Money is a means to an end, not an end itself.
 
34. The business mind desires to create the greatest gains at the least costs through the safest investment. The artistic mind desires to use every resource available to them, to push the limits of their talent, and create something that has never been made before that will impact the world. You need BOTH in balance to succeed.
 
35. You cannot learn a language without learning the culture.
 
36. It honestly is pretty unfair every country is expected to learn English but English speakers don’t have to learn any language. (We hardly even know English!)
 
37. Learning another language will help you understand every language you already know better.
 
38. You never truly know someone until you’ve talked with them in their own language.
 
39. Learning another language WILL make you wish your language had words that express things that you can in the new language.
 
40. The feeling that “You Can’t” is one of the biggest reasons you won’t.
 
41. You have many failings and your life is a mess….. But it is honestly the same with everyone else whether it looks that way or not.
 
42. The way your life looks from the inside and the way it looks from the outside are two totally different things.
 
43. There is no point arguing with the voice within your head telling you you’re a failure. It tends to know your failings far better than you know your strengths, and it will destroy you and everyone/thing you love.
 
44. You DON’T know best… but neither do others… once you realize that, life becomes a bit less frustrating.
 
45. Life is not about earning your worth. You are a human being. A living soul. Created by God. Your value is already beyond what you could ever earn.
 
46. Making mistakes, doing wrong, being lazy, not choosing the best option… none of these make you worthless, nor weaker than anyone else.
 
47. Strength is not something that can be measured by looking at others.
 
48. Strength does not come from never feeling strained. That just means you have never been tested. Strength is pushing forward in SPITE of feeling strained.
 
49. Courage does not come from never feeling fear. That is stupidity. Courage comes from pushing forward in spite of being scared.
 
50. Each time we succeed is worth celebrating. Each time we fail is worth learning from.
 
Don’t tear yourself down for not being married by 30, not having kids by 40, not being self sustaining by 50. You ARE growing! By denying that, you are denying the lessons that you learned. We are not valuable and worthless humans. We are not strong and weak humans. We are precious lives! Each with unique strengths and weaknesses in a combination seen no where else! Life is not about keeping up with others. It’s about discovering what you can do and doing it!
 
Whatever you feel today. Whatever lies before you. Whatever you’ve told yourself or others have told you; know this!

 

YOU
 
ARE
 
DOING
 

GREAT!

Fighting Despair

How do you avoid despair?

 
I believe one of the biggest mistakes we make in treating weariness, depression, anxiety, or despair, is that we treat it as if people are blinded to all the good flooding in around them and only focusing on one little shadow that covers up their life.
 
Now, that does happen. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve done it myself more often than not… when a fear or evil or bitterness in your life slowly grabs a hold of you, strangling out every last bit of light that you can see till there is nothing else in your life that matters save for that one issue you can let go of… that is a true problem… but I’m also not gonna lie…
 

Life stinks….

 
It does… This world is unfair. The cruel and inhumane win. The only way to earn money is to have money. The ones with good looks or charisma get treated well while the others get overlooked. The people placed in charge are usually the last who deserve to be. The first to be yelled at are usually the least to be able to do anything about it. There are lies, corruption, propaganda, false facts everywhere to the point that it’s near impossible to remember what truth even is anymore. There are a whole world of people people don’t even realize exist. We hold ourselves to the standards of fake lives we’re shown because people are too scared to show that they can’t live up to the standards of the fake lives we show. People are living 5 to a house because the products available to us weren’t designed for this economy. People are working 3 jobs only to make half the income needed to live and spend half of that paying off the debts to schooling that was promised to give them a better life.
 
This world is a rotting cesspit of greed, bitterness, lust, and anarchy, like a train that has long since driven off the tracks and people are beating each other hand and foot to climb to the last car so they can survive just a few seconds longer when it finally hits the ground. So I really don’t think that depression, anxiety, and despair always come from obliviousness. In fact, I sometimes feel that it comes from being able to see too much. Being unable to distract yourself like many can. For seeing the world as it is, and how terrifying a place it has become. How meaningless the set path before us looks. For seeing the people who fell off the road and what happened to them. It’s scary… I know.
 
And yet… at least at this point, I don’t feel despair. This year and a half has been ridiculous. My body’s broken permanently at age 27, lost my job, my finances, my future goals, friendships, opportunities, family members, and more…. I feel trapped.. I’ve been beaten and burned several times, and almost every door I’ve tried has been slammed right in my face. Meanwhile people stand on the sidelines chastising my laziness for not making it through the doors they could easily.
 
There have been times during this last year and a half where I have felt despair… I can probably count on one hand though what those times were like. Those nights when you don’t want to wake up because what future is there for you. When you don’t want to fight anymore because you’ve already lost. When you stop eating, the world starts spinning, you’ve broken out into a cold sweat, and your mouth tastes like something died in it… I have experienced despair a few days… and I’ve had numerous bad days, or days when I just don’t want to push forward anymore… but even still, there’s always been a spark that’s kept me going… and having talked to several people these last few weeks who feel like their lives are worthless, that they’ve seen everything there is to see and there’s just no point in going on… I start to realize that in spite of loss, I’ve also gained something not everyone has.
 
Hope….
 

But what is hope. Where does it come from?

 
First off from God.
 
And no. I don’t mean the half baked “Pray every day and be a good person because those are good life practices that will help you mature” type beliefs that many people push these days… I mean the faith that comes from thinking… from realizing the implications of your faith.
 
Don’t half-bake your faith. God either is or He isn’t. He isn’t here when it’s good doctrine and then gone when it comes to your responsibilities. He isn’t a God you should pray to, but then you’re the one in charge of your own fate. Stop being such contradictory flip flops!
 
DO YOU BELIEVE THERE IS A GOD?
 
Then stop thinking like this world rests on your shoulders alone.
 
DO YOU BELIEVE GOD CREATED THIS WORLD?
 
Then why do you struggle to realize He can help you too?
 
DO YOU BELIEVE HE IS WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS HE IS?
 
Then why tell yourself He hates you or let these things happen to punish or harm you? Do you think you let God down?? You’re human! You were never holding Him up! At your very best you always were a sinful person unable to save yourself but by the grace of God. Don’t think God suddenly got offended and fed up with you because you struggled with a mistake that even tweaks your conscience!
 
If you believe in God, and that He’s real, and all the Bible says He is… then realize the implications of that.
 
1. You AREN’T alone!
You were never asked for results. You were asked to follow. You were never asked to make things happen. You were asked to trust and believe. You plant the crops. You listen for God. That is hard enough. Don’t try to make the skies rain as well. That was never your place to begin with!
 
2. God does ALL things for your good and for His glory.
Things are going poorly? Your world is falling apart? It feels like you’ve been beaten beyond your abilities? Seek God. Ask to see what you need to learn and to grow stronger for it. In order to rebuild something stronger, you must first take it apart. In order to refine something you must first melt away all the junk. What you see as destruction may actually be rebuilding. God has seen a lot of nasty evil people do some pretty horrendous things. Do you honestly think He decided you would be the one so bad that He’d make special exception tormenting your life? No. He has a reason. Even if that reason is just to slap you awake to realize you never could do this in your own strength. Rely on Him!
 
3. HE is in control!
People do as people do. People will offend you. People will destroy the world. People will do crimes, inhumane acts, talk during movies, all sorts of evil evil things! You may feel like God is losing the fight against so many evil things…. you’re looking at the battlefield at too low a point. This isn’t a battle between good and evil. This is God showing how even the scariest things people may try to do for the worst reasons. The harshest pains. The most hopeless situations… God can turn them all around and do greater good than there ever was loss.
 
Now that you start to realize that you aren’t alone, realize you aren’t powerless either.
 

You are still alive! That means there is still hope!

 
Don’t give up on life. You may feel like you understand where you stand better than anyone else in the world…. but realize this is just your first attempt at life, and most of you probably aren’t even halfway through that attempt yet. Don’t act like you know exactly what you can and cannot do. Don’t act like you can tell the ending from the climax. We read stories and wish we had happy endings like that as well… but we so easily forget that those people didn’t know when the ending would come either… there were times when they felt like there was no hope, no point, no reason to move forward… but they endured. And it was because they endured that they lived long enough to see the ending.

 

Find out what you are living for!

 
No I don’t mean something simple like “To get a job and a family.” I mean seriously ask yourself. If you could be remembered for one thing in your life…. if you could make one impact on the world around you. What would it be?? For me, I decided back in high school. I wanted to make the lives of everyone I met at least a little better than before they met me, and to empower people to do things they never thought they could.
 
This goal is important. Why? Because we’ll have many goals in life. I wanted to be a bush pilot. I wanted to run a spreadsheet design company. I wanted to go to Japan and teach English. To fall in love by 18, get engaged by 21, married by 22, and have kids before 25 so that by the time they were teens I’d still be young enough to keep up with them… yet here I am… almost 28, single, under many health issues, and forget kids, I can’t even keep up with people my age anymore….
 
I’ve had many plans and even more failures…and yet, that initial goal hasn’t changed. In fact, in each failure I’ve had, I’ve learned, I’ve gained resources, contacts, and more…. I haven’t failed my goal yet. I’ve just added more tools to my toolbox I’m using to achieve it.
 
As humans we need something to work towards. We weren’t designed to drift through life… to be dragged down paths we haven’t decided, or to have no idea where we were going. In WWII POW camps they proved that was the greatest torture of all… the loss of purpose… and honestly it’s lethal.
 

YOU

 
HAVE
 

PURPOSE!

 
Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Know you aren’t alone. Know you aren’t powerless. You are alive! You are unique! You have something that no one else in this world can bring! It’s okay to take the time to mourn, cry, mope, or more. It’s human. But don’t give up! You’ve got this!

How Can a Good God Let Bad Things Happen?

“How can a ‘Good’ God let bad things happen?”
 
How many people have left the faith for this question? How many churches have split over it? How many people wave it proudly as their banner in their self proclaimed crusades against religion.
 
This year especially I’ve seen this question raised a lot. I’ve met people forever cursed to suffer. Children lose their lives after long battles with sickness. Young adults lose their lives, or even their functional futures after momentary freak accidents. I’ve watched parents and children alike mourn. I’ve watched idiots threaten to destroy the world with their posturing. I’ve watched lives get flipped upside-down, and my own has been flipped so many times I forget which way is up.
 
“How can a ‘Good’ God let Bad Things happen??”
 
The first thing you have to ask yourself is, “Are things really just good or bad?” A birthing is a painful event, but it brings forth a brand new life. Exercising hurts like crazy, but it enables you to live longer and better before. Studying is something I bet we could all do without (I am maybe being stared at judgingly by my abandoned textbooks as I write this) but the intellect we gain gives us so many more options.
 
All gains come at a cost…. but all costs come with some gain. The balance may not always be equal, and sometimes you have to search pretty hard to find what you gained or lost, but it will always be there.
 
That’s the way the world works. Why does it work this way? I am not the creator so I cannot say. I will point out that in order to receive love and worship, the being you receive it from must be sentient (or else it is just lip service), in order for something to be sentient, it must have choice, (lest it be forced to live its life constantly questioning its actions but without being able to control them). And a choice is only as valuable as the consequences to it.
 
Is this the right answer? Unfortunately, this is the only reality I have lived in, and my perspective within it is limited at best. However this does make sense, in my opinion and I believe is a good foundation to work off of.
 
Secondly then, if we accept that we are given choice and in order to be given choice we must also be given consequences to our choices, we must also realize that while everything will fall within God’s plan, not everything is necessarily how God wants it.
 
Have you ever worked with an annoying person? I am sure you have… if you haven’t you probably are the annoying person… in fact even if you have you may be an annoying person in your own way as we all tend to prick and bump each other in ways we don’t necessarily like.
 
When placed in charge of a problematic group, you learn that you have to compromise. Yes you know that that guy’s plan is going to fail. You know that he hasn’t told anyone in charge about it yet has told his team to arrive at the location he hasn’t booked to use the materials he won’t order…. You KNOW that this is going to be a failure… but there comes a point when all you can do is damage control.
 
Message the people in charge so that they are aware and prepared. Try and get what you can together so that when things turn south there is a backup plan. At times you feel like that dog in Loony Toons that would get itself nearly killed trying to let the oblivious cat walk safely through the construction site, but you do what you can to make it work!
 
In the same way, God is looking at the world. Not in our limited human perspective and resources, but as an all knowing God who created all things. He knows that we will make bad choices. He knows that innocent people will often get hurt by them as well as ourselves. But He loves us and lets us keep that free will. He knows that there are consequences to our actions and the actions of those around us, but He plans for them, and gives us people to be there for us through it.
 
AND HE DOES SUPPORT US THROUGH IT!
 
Even if it feels insufficient. Even if we can’t see it in the moment. Even if we feel totally abandoned, no matter how dark the tunnel gets, there is always at least a glimmer of hope.
 
Finally we need to realize, we aren’t done yet. We are hurt. We are beaten. We have lost a lot. We feel unmotivated and unwilling to go forward. But we aren’t beaten yet. Even in death we are not beaten. Do you realize how many people that influence our world are dead? We are not beaten, and we have not only lost. As I said at the beginning. For every gain there is a cost, but for every cost there is a gain.
 
Now it is possible to throw these costs aside. It is possible to devote our lives to bitterness and hatred. To tearing down anyone who even reminds us about our pain. To go on a self righteous crusade of vengeance…. It is possible to waste all the gains you have received through your losses, and become someone who does nothing but cause greater pain and losses to those around you… but even in that, you are gaining. You are gaining the experience and insight that should you ever turn around, and realize just what a destructive and terrifying force you have become…. you become someone who is better able to recognize it in yourself and in others, and as such warn them before they walk the same path you did.
 
You are not beaten yet. Your story is not done. You’ve experienced pain but gained compassion. You’ve felt loss but gained perspective. You feel lost, but have gained determination. You are not beaten yet, and God cannot use you.
 
Following God does not promise an EASY road ahead… anyone who’s read the Bible can tell you that fairly easily. But it does promise “A” road ahead.
 
You are not relying on only yourself! It doesn’t matter if you can’t see a path forward, or if everyone around you has abandoned you, even if you have nothing you can do are invest or give… because it was never about what YOU brought, it was about what God could do through you!
 
So am I saying to stop whining? To suck it up and keep moving forward? That anyone who feels down or complains needs to man up and take it on?
 
Pfft! No! Such advice is ludicrousy!
 
LIFE IS HARD! What you are going through is hard too. You need to mourn. You need to cry. You need to let all your pain and frustrations out. Burying them down to let them build up and boil will help no one.
 
BUT YOU ARE NOT BEATEN!
 
You are strong!
You are irreplaceable!
You have a future!
You’ve got this!
 
/endrant

A Prayer of a Broken Heart

“And Lord, I pray to you through the storm. Not because I am strong, but because I never was.
 
As paths around me crumble and there seems to be no way forward, I walk towards you, on the path I cannot see.
 
Though the world around me my disappear, and everything of value to me may be taken away, I cling to you who is of greatest value, who no one and nothing can take away.
 
Though pain and hardships have become my daily bread, and I feel too weak to walk forward again, still I follow you. Not for what I get, but because you are, and have always been the only way.
 
Lord, though you pull me beyond the extents of my endurance, the bounds of my wisdom, the distance of my foresight, still I will trust in you. For the limits I can go are but a drip in the ocean from the journey you can take me on.
 
So Lord, do not forget your servant, though he is battered and bruised, still he clings to you. Though the days come where I feel too weak to stand back up again, I shall crawl towards you and cry to you until these days shall end.
 
I know all you have taken away can be returned 10 fold at a mere word from you. But even if my life were to end at this time, I know my life has not been for waste in your plan. No matter the results, no life spent chasing after you first-most can be considered a failure. And so I shall pick myself up yet again, shakily on tired fight, and continue to cry out to you, until the day when it all makes sense.
 
You cannot expect a simple life if you wish to let God do amazing things through you.
 
Amen”

Prayer is NOT a Cop Out

When it comes to responses to stressful and overwhelming times, few remarks lead to quite the negative feedback and concern as “I’m praying about it.”
 
“Prayer” has become synonymous with “Copping out” or “I don’t really want to change anything so I’ll just say this again.” To say “I’m praying about it.” often leads to responses such as “Well that’s good and all, but what are you DOING?!”
 
Now if this was only with regards to non-christians, I would fully understand this. If you do not believe in the existence of an all powerful God, who allows all things to happen like an intricately woven tapestry, so detailed that even those who attempt to destroy it by doing evil, only end up showing it’s beauty all the more… then it would make sense that praying to this would be on par with speaking to an imaginary friend to go earn some extra spending money for you. However, more often than not, it is the Christians I know who hold the greatest apprehension towards praying about problems, which makes me believe we don’t fully understand quite what prayer is.
 
Prayer is not a passive activity. It is not a chant you speak while attempting to pass the time hoping that things will change. Communication is not a one-way deal, so why would prayer ever be?
 
Prayer is opening yourself up.
Prayer is accepting you are lost and need help.
Prayer is listening for direction with a willingness to take it.
Prayer is accepting that you need to change.
Prayer is abandoning your right to feel bitter and betrayed.
Prayer is a willingness to move forward.
Prayer is a willingness to forgive.
Prayer is a willingness to grow.
Prayer is a humility to submit.
Prayer is an acceptance to repent.
Prayer is laying your heart bare on the altar and showing your trust in the creator of all things to treat it with respect.
 
One of the greatest descriptions I’ve heard of the proper mindset for prayer was an explanation I heard in grade school for why knights bowed before the king. It was more than just a ritual. The knight was lowering his guard, as the king placed a sword near his neck. It was showing with his actions that he was willing to be placed in such a vulnerable position before the king, because he trusted his life in the king’s hands.
 
We are a results-based culture. We see the results of someone’s life, and then instantly draw conclusions as to what led to it.
 
Someone has failed? They must be weak.
Someone has succeeded? They must be strong.
Someone looks a certain way? They must be ___.
Someone does a certain thing? They must be ___.
 
Because of this, we often treat our faith the same way. We believe the value of our faith is the results we bring forth through it. If we can’t lead people to Christ, if we can’t be self sufficient, if we can’t avoid falling into temptation, if we can’t make some huge impact on the world… then we will be of no use to God.
 
THIS IS BACKWARDS THINKING!
 
YOU do not do things that are of use to God. GOD does things that are of use through you!
 
Even the non-christians of the world. The skeptics, the tyrants, the cynics, the haters…. Everything they have is because God gave them. Everything God gave them is for His love for them and for His plan.
 
Does not the rain fall on the crops of sinners as well as saints? Did not God raise up Nebuchadnezzar for His purposes as well as David? There is no blessing in this world that does not come from God. Nor does He withhold His wrath from those who abuse His blessings.
 
Your duty is to follow where God leads and give Him your best. The results are up to God.
 
Much like Job, David, Joshua, and even Jesus Himself… you can do everything right in life and still fail hard. Still be persecuted. Still be a social outcast deemed a failure by human standards.
 
It is not what you DO that will determine the outcome. It is God alone.
 
Despite what many Christians seem to think, is not a cop out answer to encourage laziness. In fact, I would go so far as to argue that true laziness comes from those who try to keep control in their own hands, as in practice, they have a much easier time of it.
 
Focus your energy on trusting God. On submitting yourself to Him. To trusting Him through the fires, and acting as He wishes even when it’s unfair. To turning the other cheek when you’re hurt. To striving to improve yourself and know Him better even when it seems to get you nowhere. To steadfastly follow Him even when you are ridiculed for it.
 
Do you think praying and trusting God is easy? To think that is to suggest you’ve never truly tried it yourself!
 
Get up off your butt! Stop wasting your anxiety and stress over things that were never in your control in the first place! Your battle is to trust and follow God! That is more than you can handle in the first place! Stop killing yourselves to ensure the results YOU think God wants from you. That was never your place to begin with.
 
Live chasing after God. Leave the results to Him. Trust in Him.
 
Amen.

Feeding Thousands

When Jesus broke 5 loaves to feed 5000, there were 12 baskets left over.
 
When Jesus broke 7 loaves to feed 4000, there were 7 baskets left over.
 
this has been a part of the bible that has really challenged me this way. As well (if you read Mark 8:17-21), you realize this was done on purpose.
 
See, a lot of my mind still gets locked into the logic of the parable of the talents. The man with 5 talents invests to gain 5 more, the man with 2 talents invests to gain 2 more, the man with 1 talent creates the first “hedge” fund and it turns out very poorly for him. But the logic is there. They invest what God gives them, and if God gave them a lot, they earn a lot. If God gave them a little they earned a little more. This is mathematical. This is logical. But the two times Jesus feeds people with a small amount of bread TOTALLY FLIPS THIS ON ITS HEAD!
 
Jesus feeds more people with less bread and gets more left over…. think about this for a moment. The first time, Jesus has to feed about 1000 people per each loaf of bread, and ends up with 12 baskets full afterwards. The second time, Jesus only has to feed 4000 people and he has 7 full loaves! That means he has to feed a little less than 571 and a half people with each loaf of bread. If feeding 1000 people/loaf led to 12 baskets left over, you’d assume feeding 571 people/loaf would logically lead to near 24 baskets!
 
But instead there were 7…
 
Why is this? Was there not enough yeast in the bread the second time? Did Jesus get better at performing the miracle so there wouldn’t be as much waste? Were the 4000 a touch more glutenous than the original 5000???
 
If you read Mark 8:17-21, you realize Jesus did it on purpose… to show them that it is God who provides, not them.
 
And this is something we still struggle with today. I know I do. It’s so easy to feel like God can only use you as far as you resources can provide. “I mean God… I’d love to do a lot more for you if I was rich and famous… or had a working body…. But I don’t, so I’m gonna dream small right now and hope the day will come in the future where I can do the big!
 
It doesn’t work like that!
 
What God wants from us isn’t power he can wield, resources he can distribute, influence he can spread. God doesn’t tell us to bring everything we’ve managed to acquire to him so that He can send it out where He chooses. In fact, most times in the Bible, Jesus told people “Get rid of what you’ve earned, it’s just going to hold you back anyways, and I’ve got bigger things in store for you!”
 
God doesn’t ask for us to provide for Him to make a way. God tells us to follow as He provides to make a way. God tells us to trust in Him so He can use us to accomplish the plans we could never have planned. God doesn’t ask for us to make his plans work. God asks us to let Him show us how His plans work.
 
So the next time you think of all the things you would do if you only had the money, strength, fame, time… look at what you have right now… pray to God about what He wants you to do with it… those are your 5 loaves, so keep 12 baskets handy on standby!