Bad Advice and How to Fix

Originally Posted June 12 2016

Absolute Most Cringeworthy Worst Advice You Hear All the Time and How to Fix It

1. “You’re still young!”

Reason for Cringe: Being young does not excuse the fact that it is still hard in the moment. Realize the person you are talking to is currently the oldest they have ever been in their life and that feels like a really really long time! Also realize that the gap between your ages will never shrink. No matter how young they seem now, they will still seem young when they are the age you feel now.

A Better Option: “Things will look up, and there are still things you can do right now that matter and have a huge impact!”

Accept that this is hard on them. Don’t belittle someone’s feelings if they have the courage to confess them to you. Also remind them though that even if life is not where they want to be right now, that they still matter, and that there are still things in life they can do. They are not waiting for the bus of life to show up, just walking currently down a different path.

2. “You know, you would be better if you _____”

Reason for Cringe: okay… I know your intentions are well meant… I know your heart is in the right place… But realize you do not need to point out that people have short comings. People are good enough at seeing those themselves. I don’t think I have ever met someone who wasn’t at least a little nervous about how they were viewed. Don’t make it harder on them.

A better option: You know, you have a lot of talent/potential in ________! Have you ever thought of ______?”

Funny thing you may notice. It is the exact same thing…. But it is not…. People are imperfect people, and we should always strive to improve. But it helps to point this out in a positive light not a negative light. If you want to reprimand someone, sure, be negative, point out why what they are doing is wrong. But to encourage? You want to motivate, not scare and discourage.

3. “Maybe you were just meant to be single.”

Reason for Cringe: Okay…. There are people in this world who are honestly happier being single and chasing their dreams than being in a relationship… But there is a thing you may notice about these people…. They are HAPPY being single and chasing their dreams. Sure they may think time to time it would be nice to settle down, but they are usually discouraged by the fact that doing so would stand in the way of what they want to accomplish. Chances are very high that if you feel like you need to comfort someone in this area, that they are not the kind of person this advice applies to!

A Better Option: “It is hard being single, but at the same time, don’t let yourself think that this means you have no value or purpose. You are a beautiful and wonderful person who will make whoever you end up with incredibly blessed! You have been and still can accomplish so much in this time that will make your time together in the future even better! Hang in there! Things do look up!”

Don’t destroy what few shreds of broken heart strings the person has left! There is still a chance no matter how long time goes on! But at the same time, encourage them. Remind them that their value is so much more than the people who rejected them. That they can and are accomplishing great good in this world and should not hold back on living until life moves on! That they should grow, and continue to grow, because they are important, and valuable, and worth a whole lot!

4. “You just need to take life seriously!”

Reason for Cringe: There is a very shocking revelation that people have trouble realizing… Everyone… No matter how many bad choices they make in life… Is trying their best to live… Just because you can see obvious faults that you would not fall for in someone else’s life, doesn’t mean they are easy or even visible for the other person. We are not made of putty that can be moulded into whatever shape we wish for no matter what society says. But that is good because those people whose lives you see so many faults in can often do the same with you!

A Better Option: “Life is tough, but you can do this! God does not give us more than we can handle. The very fact that you are dealing with this means that the God who created you knows you can handle this! I am here for you to work through what we can. It is hard work, but it will mean we come out stronger in the end!”

Never dismiss someone’s struggles as frivolous. Accept that there are things hard for one person that are not hard for you. Be there to support them and help them struggle through. Don’t knock them back and take the wheel. Pray for them, help the,, walk with them, don’t drag them.

5. “There are people who deal with far worse!”

Reason for the Cringe: The struggles someone goes through is hard for them. Opening up for someone is also hard for them. The fact that someone else deals with a pain you find harder to imagine dealing with does not invalidate someone else for struggling. Life is a struggle, it is how we grow, but it is also hard to do.

A Better Option: “What you’re going through sounds hard. I know it is hitting you very deeply. But at the same time I believe you can do this! God has your back through this and He will make you stronger in the end. I’m here for you for whatever I can do through it.”

Let someone know it is okay to feel pain. That they are not less of a person for feeling this way. Let them know that you believe they can take it, that God is with them through it all. Then let them know they are not handling it alone, that you are there for them.

Ultimately in the end, that is what we all want to know when we suffer. We want to know that we are not some weak and worthless person for struggling… That we are not going to be overwhelmed by the trial before us… And that we are not alone in dealing with what lies ahead.

Realize that this is advice for how to encourage. And sometimes, Encouragement is not the answer. There are those who get hooked on comfort and lose the desire to grow who honestly need a kick in the pants to keep moving… This is not my skill set so you will have to ask someone else for advice on tough love. But I hope this explains why some encouragement is helpful and some is not. The truth is that encouragement is more than just finding the answer to the problem, it is healing a hurting and broken heart


How do you Know Christianity’s Right?

Originally Posted June 11 2016

I was given a facebook rant request… How’s that for a first? The question? “In a world full of religions and theories, how do you know Christianity is the right choice?”

To be fair, this is a question we hear quite often these days. In a world that believes no choice we make matters as everyone is right no matter what they do, feel, or believe, (provided it remains inside the rapidly growing comfort zone of the loudest part of society) how can one say that a religion is right that says other religions are wrong? (Of course in that note how can you say they are wrong if everyone is right? But that argument rarely seems to work…)

The answer is quite simple, in spite of the scholarly debate the question seems to encourage.

The answer is…….. I don’t…..

I don’t know Christianity is the right choice, the same way I don’t know that I am truly doing a good job. I do not know if I am truly a guy, I don’t know if my hair is really brown, if my eyes are truly hazel, if the world is truly floating in the middle of emptiness. I don’t know if only humans exist, if dinosaurs are dead, if my food I cook is good, if my words have any impact in the world, if I am sane or a nutter or both.

The truth is I know nothing. Because how can anyone know anything? The endless possibilities that fill the whole of reality are so vast that no one could possibly claim to know even a fraction of them. We of course have a fake thing we call “proof” which is really more an acceptance that we are tired of arguing a point than “proving” anything.

So the better question therefore is probably not “How do I know,” but “Why do I think?”

See, everything we believe, be it religion, science, or our own senses, requires faith. This is not good, nor bad, it is simply reality so you may as well accept it up front. The world becomes a far more interesting place when you do. So then why do I choose to hold my faith in Christianity?

People are predictable. We claim we grow and progress, yet to tell you honestly, people have done the same things for the same motives in the same pattern for over 7000 years of recorded history. With that being said, there are many religions out there where I can understand why people say the things they say.

I can see why people would want to believe they can achieve a next stage. I can see why people would want something that promises riches, power, or to destroy those who stand against them. I can understand why people want to feel like they are improving. I can understand why people want something that tells others to follow them. I can understand why people claim peace but fear trust. Why they long for power but loathe responsibility, why they are attracted to success and run away from suffering.

This is human nature. It makes sense. If you follow any path, no matter how good your intentions are, it never takes long for them to come back to that state. But it is because of this that I find it interesting just how weird Christians are!

I am not talking about the catholic church in the middle ages that everyone loves to razz about… Nor the church of Amurica that the media loves to claim we are all like… I mean when people honestly read the bible and pray to God Christians. Afterall, if I want to prove or disprove something, it only means something if you view the entirety of the religion.

Christianity is weird…. Humanity is and will always be weak. We turn against the God who created us. We mock Him, spit on Him, kill His son, leave Him, refuse to trust Him… We are like spoiled teenagers making fun of their parents for caring about them… Yet in spite of that God loves us… We cannot come to God so God came to us… In their weakest moments Christians are strongest. When they suffer the most, Christians shine brightest. The joys of this world are not what they are after, nor what they look forward to in Heaven… It is the love of God they long for and the relationship with Him.

They give what they have and ask for nothing in return. They focus on what they can do not on what they can get. The longer they are a Christian, and the harder they chase after God, the less they live for anything humanity normally lives for and the happier they are for it (not to mention the more impact they have on others’ lives for it.)

The truth is, I cannot tell an unbeliever in words why I AM a Christian currently… Because my purpose for staying a Christian is the plethora of journeys and experiences God has taken me through that has grown my trust of Him to the level that it is today… But I can say the reason I decided to come back….. And that was love…. The realization of just how hideous and cruel a person I had become compared to how beautiful and amazing and perfect a person God is…. And How greatly He loved me in spite of that…. As if who I was didn’t matter because who I was to God was His beloved creation… No matter how weak, how evil, how corrupt, how worthless you may ever feel… You cannot experience that realization and walk away unchanged.

Anyways, there is my rant! Hope it is up to the usual standard you were looking for. Take care all!

A Different Life Goal

Originally Posted June 9 2016

In every religion, scientific theory, and etc I can think of I have noticed a trend. They all circle around the belief of self improvement…. Of surpassing humanity… Of hitting the next stage of evolution, or achieve godhood. Ironically, the first sin in the bible was similar… Eating the fruit which promised them to be like God (even though they were already created in God’s image but I’ll save that for another time.)

This is one thing I have noticed as different within Christianity.

Now I’ll cover this first because if you are like me your mind has already gone there; YES there are churches that state the bible is about achieving sainthood and becoming perfect humans so we can get into heaven…. The only problem is that this theory tends to run perpendicular to what the bible actually says.

The bible is full of sinners. Liars, jerks, favouritism, proud people, suicidal people, murderers, idiots, immoral people, and more….. And what is even more frightening is that God accomplished huge levels of amazing miracles in spite of that. If you think God cannot use you until you are perfect, you are reading a different bible than me, because the people God uses are never perfect (let alone to say humanity in general is never perfect)

No, in Christianity we see something different… We see strength from accepting weakness. We see wisdom from accepting foolishness.We see pride from accepting humility. Because in Christianity it is not about becoming perfect humans. It’s about imperfect humans turning to a perfect God that we stupidly ran away from in the first place.

Take pride, not in your strength, but in the God who loves you in spite of your weakness!

Act Don’t REact

Originally Posted June 9 2016

When I was learning to drive my father told me that in an emergency I should act, not react. If you act when something startles you, you can usually avoid it, but if you react to it, you will just end up in a ditch. This advice, I have found, is applicable to so much more than just driving.

We are a reactionary culture. When we see something that offends us, we take up arms against it. If it doesn’t strike our sense of vengen…justice, then we walk by without noticing. There is no analysis of what offends us. No asking why they did it, why we care, or how this lines up with other things we believe. We just rely entirely on the thrill of the moment to guide us.

In our legal system, it honestly matters very little what proof you bring forth or what tactics you use. At the end of the day, it is the one who wins the hearts of the jury (who often don’t even want to be there) that wins.

In politics, who cares what good you do or what bad. It is the one the media celebrates that gets voted in. Afterall it’s a lot of work to pay attention to politics, and even if they use a lot of negative words to describe one guy and positive words to describe another, they are unbiased right?

In social justice. Oh let me tell you a heartbreaking story about my cause. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, just so long as it gets you riled up. Oh wait…We realized that person was lying? That means their whole cause is irrelevant! It doesn’t matter if they were right or wrong… We will judge the entire validity of their cause on the actions of one 13 year old who offends us!

And even in love. I love you as long as I feel I love you. I hope this excitement never ends, but if it ever does, I’m sorry But it is over. Afterall, love is the excitement you make me feel when you do stuff for me that motivates me to do stuff for you, not the action of being there for you even when I don’t get anything out of it!

Now I’ll say it up front. I am not condemning instincts and emotions. I’m an empath (person who has extra blood flow to the observation portions of the brain making their intuition higher than most) with my intuition in the high 90s…. I have been all my life. So trust me, I appreciate the feelings of gut sense and intuition.

But here is the thing. Intuition was never meant to replace thinking. It was meant to make you aware of when you need to think harder. When you need to start observing more. When you need to ask more questions.

If you avoid using your mind because you feel uneasy, you are using your intuition wrong. Approach with caution and learn what it is you are not seeing. The mind misses a lot, intuition misses stuff too. But together they become an formidable force!

Standards for Happiness

Originally Posted June 4 2016

You know . . . I sometimes wonder if it is not that there are more ways for people to find purpose and happiness these days, as much as that the bar for the “bare minimum” of purpose and happiness is set so much lower than it used to be . .

I remember as a kid, I had a dream about Pippi Longstockings and was CERTAIN I was in love. Then in the first grade there was a girl I hung out with all the time, and was certain THAT was love…. In the seventh grade there was a girl who made my heart beat faster every time I saw her. Surely that was love! By highschool there was a girl I really wanted to be best friends with and said hi every chance I had. Surely by then THAT had to be love right? By college I thought that if someone ACTUALLY asked me out, that must be love? By the time I graduated I wondered if love was simply going for someone I looked up to and admired. Now a days I really haven’t a single clue what relationship love is… You can (and in my opinion should) love everyone, so it’s more than your feelings and your efforts… I feel like it’s a balance between chemistry and compromise; putting the other person first, but realizing that neither of you should stand in the others’ way of where life is leading them. That if you really love some one sometimes the best thing you can do is let them find someone who won’t hold them back. Finding someone you are equally helping each other through this thing called life, not one carrying the other… but where you draw those lines is beyond me.

My concept of love has changed, and I’m not so daft as to think it won’t change again. The thing is that we aren’t really born with an in depth knowledge of love, just a knowledge that whatever it is we really need it.

With that being said, I see a lot of people talking about their love lives (in general I’m not calling out any of you guys) Some of the bragging I hear is as follows:

I know I have found love because we don’t argue like my parents did.
I know I have found love because they don’t beat or rape my children.
I know I have found love because we make out every day.
I know I have found love because they do it whenever I want.
I know I have found love because my heart feels good.
I know I have found love because I can leave whenever I want.
I know I have found love because we promised we won’t impact each others’ lives.
I know I have found love because I feel I can leave and not be hurt.
I know I have found love because there is no marriage to break.
I know I have found love because they let me have relationships with others.
I know I have found love because they let me do what I want.
I know I have found love because we don’t scream like my parents.
I know I have found love because we don’t talk behind each others’ backs like my parents.
I know I have found love because we are happy unlike my parents.
I know I have found love because he is still around unlike my father
I know I have found love because they try to be sober around the kids.
I know I have found love because that’s what I decided.

. . . Okay I’m sorry but NO! NO! NO! I am not saying this for the sake of religious morals, old school beliefs, or non progressive life style. I’m not saying this out of fear of corruption. I am saying this because you genuinely deserve so much more than that. I mean, if you’re considering yourself the luckiest person in the world because they are survivable, or because they don’t hurt those you care about (or yourself)… maybe your standards are a bit too low.

I do not consider myself an expert on these issues. I mean let’s admit it, I’m a single guy, haaaardly expert. But at the same time… I wonder if sometimes we view our Christian walks as “We have to avoid the fun of sin to live the hard but rewarding life God wants for us.” but… what if it is not a restraint to follow God’s plan but far more rewarding?

I could spend a little amount of time going to Zhers for their sushi, and if I spent my entire life only trying that I might think it was alright. It would take a lot more effort going to Japan or even a legit sushi shop… but so help me it tastes a lot better.

Encouragement of Injustice

Originally Posted June 2 2016

Crazy thought… But it’s actually surprisingly encouraging that bad things, injustice, and suffering happens in this world.

Now hang with me a second here. I am not saying it is a good thing that bad things happen… But there is encouragement to be found in the fact that there are bad things.

Take it this way. What is a bad thing? …no not examples… What fundamentally makes something bad? The simple answer is this. For there to be something bad there must first be something good. For unless there can be a “Good” to compare it to, ultimately nothing that has or can be done can possibly be considered bad.

Now if the fact that there must be good in this world is not encouraging enough for you, here’s question 2:

How can you know that something is bad? Like not what signs can you see… I mean how are you physically capable as a human being to know what is good or bad?

Now my college professors at this point would go on a rant of social norms, and cultural expectations, taboos, group think, what have you… Let’s face the facts…. For the last 7000 years humanity has held the relatively same basic morals following the same basic cycle from each kingdom’s rise and fall to power. Every “Progressive social justice” issue you push has been pushed before, every “World destroying fault” has been faulted before…. Though aesthetics have changed, the general mechanics of society and the progress of civilizations have remained untouched for 7000 years…

So long story short… Morals and society are something far deeper than peer pressure. They are human nature itself.

So the question then is… How can we as corrupt, and cruel humans who cheat, lie, live selfish lives, give in to greed and lust… How can we know so well from day 1, “Oh… I shouldn’t do that… This shouldn’t happen to me… This is bad!”

The answer is quite simple… You have to have been created to be good.

So yes…. There is bad in this world… But take comfort in knowing that in order for there to be bad there must also be good out there!

Yes, people are capable of great evil, but we are created for great good.

Realize there are two sides to the coin. For great suffering there is also great encouragement to be found.

Never give up. Keep aiming for the good!

“Killed God”

Originally Posted May 26 2016

They say that they killed God.

They laugh and jive and cheer. “God may have created man!” They cry “But man now has killed God!”

They sing it like a war anthem while locked in their little walls. The walls they put up to shut the world away. The world that scared them, the world that was bigger than them, the world they could not explain or understand. They lock it all away so that the illusion can stand. The illusion that man has grown in power and that this little corner is all there ever was.

But outside the walls a storm is brewing. The war continues to rage on. The enemy need not breach the walls, for the walls do not protect, they contain.

The battle goes on, but the end is near. The enemy knows he has lost. There is no point in trying to win, only in taking as much with him as he can. He laughs as he knows all he holds.

Inside the walls the trouble grows. The walls are cramped and limiting. There is not much room for growth, and there is so much missing. But to suggest the walls exist would be to suggest the world outside exists, so instead people stay quiet and complain.

There is no room to grow, so instead they dig deep. They dig a pit of which there is no escape. They dig deeper and deeper into their little plot of land releasing all the terrors and dangers which lie beneath. But this must be the direction they were meant to go, as it is the only direction there is, afterall they have explored all there is in the world… At least within their walls.

Most of all they hate those who look beyond the walls. Those who warn of dangers approaching, or travel to seek new lands. Such actions are foolhardy and fantasy! Man has no need of such things! Man is safe! Man is contained! Man is where man is meant to be!

Beware the feeling that you have a grasp on this world, for the world is too vast for the human mind to grasp. Man has not grown in power the last 7000 years. We still live the same way we always have, complain about the same things we always have, draw the same lines we always have.

Humans have not grown, their worlds have only shrunk. A world which still exists is blocked out of view. In spite what people may think, what you do not see CAN and WILL still affect you.