Agony

Originally Posted July 7 2016

Have you ever experienced agony?

No I don’t mean stubbing your toe… getting shampoo in your eyes… realizing there’s a knife sticking out of you… or even, worst of all, getting a papercut… I mean those moments when you are in so much pain that you lose control of your body…

I get it from time to time… when I don’t pay enough attention to my tomato allergy… and as you sit there crying… you can’t stand… your face is on fire… your vision is disappearing… your hearing as if your head is in a paper bag… you feel like ripping out your own organs… you question if it may actually be possible to die from pain alone… maybe you pass out for a while, maybe you just stay crying…. but then it’s over… and you’re sore but it’s over… you start to heal… within a few weeks it is almost as if it never even happened… if you’re an idiot like me you may even order another extra large pizza for yourself! (I have a weakness guys!)

But here’s the thing… pain is temporary… and while it may give notice to loss happening in your life, the pain itself cannot harm you. Pain is a part of life, but it is a temporary part of it which, while during it feels like the only focus of your life, can be barely a memory and an increase of wisdom and wariness afterwards.

I feel like we give too much credit to pain…. We feel like it is the ultimate judge of good and bad in this world…. We tell ourselves “If God is a good God than He must take this pain out of my life! Else He would not be a good God!”

Okay no…. See God is a good God…. He holds no obligations to be a good God… whether you live or die holds no impact on just how good God is!

God is not obligated to keep pain from your life to be a good God… but because He is a good God He does not want to see you suffer.

Sometimes to avoid suffering pain is needed. I am a stubborn person. As a kid I had my rear end whacked so much that I feel it has become invulnerable to pain. But the thing is, sometimes a lesser pain is needed to avoid the greater pain.

I look at life where it is currently and there is a lot of pain… there is a lot of loss… there is a lot of things that don’t seem as they should be…. but in spite of it all God is still God…. A part of me fears some days, “What should happen if I die to some stupid mistake right now when there are still so many things I want to do but can’t?” The truth is… whether I live or die… whether I move forward or backwards… whether I thrive or suffer… God is good. I do not follow Him because He makes my life good, I follow Him because He is good…. and that Has a bigger impact than I could ever know.

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